Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/3/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hey Dennis read your profile and I think you might be able to help me. Ive
had numerous relationships and have no trouble getting girls. Im no
aproaching 30 and trying to find the girl of my dreams.
There is this girl I have known for about a year or so tha has always not only
caught my eye but is everything I want in a woman.
I thought I never had a chance with this girl but I gave it a go the other night.
It worked we had a great night of hanging out kissing and cuddling. I really
want make this work because I know this could lead into a great relationship.
I dont want to dive into to hard and get hurt but at the same time I do. Ive
been trying to meet up with her the last couple days but she seems to be
busy. I feel like shes ignoring me but maybe im just being a hypercondriac.
Any ideas you may have would be much aprieciated. Thank, NICK


ANSWER: Hello Nick!

First of all, you sure are putting a lot of power into her hands! By believing that she's the girl of your dreams, you're also telling yourself that you have to posses her. This is a great way to NOT have her. I have a rule that I teach my students: "Never fall in love with anything - or anyone - until you own it/her."

You're already falling in love with her without even having her! Thus if things don't work out, you're going to be heartbroken. That's a position of weakness - and be clear on this: she damn well knows it.

Nick, keep in mind that someone, somewhere is tired of putting up with her shit. She's not your "dream girl", she's someone else's nightmare. That's an important distinction to make if you ever want to have this girl. Thinking any differently will cause you to make all sorts of mistakes - just like you're doing now.

Here's the game:

You've approached her and you and she have had a great time so far. Now, she's playing hard-to-get. Now Nick: STOP!!! Don't go rushing after her! That's exactly what she's trying to see if you'll do. That's the point of hard-to-get: it's to prove if you're hard-up instead!

Here's the reality: women don't want to be chased. That just tells them that they are of more value than you - as you see things. Instead, women want to DO the chasing. That means that YOU have more value in HER eyes - a very different thing!

If you've tried to hook up with her and she's blowing you off, it's because you're coming on way too strong. She has no motivation to meet you. Instead, the next time you see her say, "You know, it's too bad that you're not good at managing your schedule." (This is called a "bust" and is an important first step - I won't get into why this works here, it's too complicated) "If you were better, you and I might have had a chance" (This emphasizes the bust) "But I'm only interested in girls that can organize their time." (This sets the final hook.)

Now, just be quiet and let her talk. The less you say here the better! She'll have to come chasing after you if she doesn't want to lose you.

The bottom line is you've got to turn this around if you want a chance with her. Right now, she holds all the cards by saying "no" to your invitations. This works for her because it costs her nothing. You have to make it cost her something or you're going to have no chance with her at all.

Nick if you want to learn all about these techniques - what they are and why they work, check out my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II".

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hey Dennis ! I needed this advice or shall I say slap in the face wake up call.
Thank you. Should I just sit back and ignor her ? Let her make the next move ?
Thanks so much you have been a big help. NICK

Answer
Hello again Nick!

You're welcome. Slapping is what I do best!

Well, as I said before, you need to give her some motivation. Getting scarce is not bad, but actually taking it away is better. Don't act disappointed, act instead like you're glad you exposed her as being a flake and now you don't have to waste your time. This gives her a chance to earn you back.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"