Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/2/2007

Question
Hello there.  Well, I'm not sure whether my question falls into the right category but I'll ask anyway.  Before starting my story and asking my question I'd like to say that I don't really get it.  So here goes.
I'm 17. There was this girl I used to see at the public library each Saturday and she comes to sit in front of me each time.  She had no idea that I was interested in her as she is rather shy in nature, until that day when I messed it all up.
 That particular Saturday, I really wanted to talk to her, sort of having a first contact like asking for a pen, something like that.  But then she noticed that I was eyeing her which sort of surprised her at first but nevertheless kept up the eye contact.  2 hrs later she started packing up her things to leave and by then I was getting really frustrated by the fact that I had not made any move.  The eye contact was still on.  Then she  left and I had still no moved an inch.  It was then that I messed it all up(well, not really tough).
 I got out, walked to her up on the street and began the conversation directly.  I know you may be laughing right now, but that's what I really did.  100% jerkish manner.  She was totally surprised and confused and when I noticed that, I excused myself for what I did, turned and walked away as quickly as I could.
 But what I really don't get is that the next week she smiled at me!  Well, she did not look at me directly and smiled but she smiled anyway when she saw me(that's what my friend told me as I was looking away at that time).  Then she began walking in front of me frequently like she loved it that I was eyeing her.  The next week I acted indifferent as she was making a lot of noises just to get my attention.  This sort of calmed her down the following week.
My question:  I know that she was attracted to me as her body language response was positive, but what I don't get is how is it possible?  i mean, stopping her in the middle of the street beginning a convo out of nothing is unsocial.  Hope you can answer me.  Thanks.

Answer
Hello Rahmat!

Boy, this girl must be a saint! I don't know of many women that would go this long and still continue to give you chances! That's a good thing by the way IF you do something about it!

Why don't you do this:

The very first time you see her, walk right up and say, "Hello! You know, I'm not that good at talking to strangers and I sort of blew it last time. Would you accept my apology and have some coffee with me? I'd really like to get to know you better."

This is a case where sympathy might actually work in your favor! Normally, I'd never suggest that you ask a woman for what you want; that you should tell her instead. However, this case has so much awkwardness, you need to smooth that out a bit and this approach will do it.

Rahmat, don't wait on this. If you do, you'll just talk yourself out of it again! Be totally mindless about this and just do it the very instant you see her. Don't wait on it this time - there's no "perfect" time for all of this. Just do it!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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