Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/26/2006

Question
sorry sir for language!
thanks i dont have any in-person access to her just phone ! i mean cant go and find her and meet her in person!i just can call her by phone!:(

and last time i told her i am sorry if i made her hurt  by that overdose she told me
she was not sad at all!

should i call her(since i dont have in person access to her!) ?or
figuring out a way to forget her?

and if i should call her with phone , what should i tell her? should i apology
anymore?or just talk to her like nothing happend?]thanks sir
i hope you got my poor english this time
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Hi!
in a party i overdosed with whiskey in front of my gf i dont know what i did wrong but i did my best 2 be normal but after that she doesnt answer my calls my sms & etc!
im really screwed up i loved her!
(we were just 4 ppl! me my gf and a boy and another girl!)

after like 2 weeks  she spoke with me and i was like aplogising but she answered me everytime i tried with " im not angry at all" " why u want to apologize? u did nothing wrong!" so i didnt have anything more to say and she didnt  treat me like before:(

please help me !how can i get her back?
i know she reads my SMSs but im sure she wont answer my calls!
thank you
regards & sorry for poor english


-----Answer-----
Hello Deej!

Stop calling and IM'ing her!!! Further, stop apologizing to her already!!!

I don't know why she's doing this either, but it appears she's trying to punish you for something. I suggest you take that away from her.

To be honest, this is both rude and very immature on her part. If she has some problem with you, it's her responsibility to talk to you about it. That's what people in relationships do. If she doesn't, that's really not your problem - it's hers!

As soon as the calls and IM's stop, she's going to realize that she no longer has control over you in this way. Until you stop begging her, she has every bit of the power.

Also, DO NOT call or write to her and tell her this is your plan. If you do, you’ve lost that advantage.

When she finally wises up and contacts you, hold her feet to the fire and tell her that until she comes clean about this terrible, rude, immature behavior, you’re not interested in her. You don’t deserve to be manipulated and mistreated in this way and (I hope) you want a relationship with someone that is involved and committed to it – not someone that feels she needs to punish you for some unspoken transgression.

This may take another couple of weeks, but it’ll be time well-spent in order to get past this and on to something much better.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"




hi  Dr Neder! sir i did what ever you told me for this 3 weeks you told me i should stop IMing SMSing calling apologizing her for more  couple of weeks!
but no signal from her yet!i mean she didnt event send me a single sms or sth! should i wait more? or should i do an acitivity including sms IM call or etc?

thanks for your answer!i am ready to doing whatever you order.
Regards

-----Answer-----
Hello again Deej!

If it's been a full 3 weeks with no response, forget the IM's, email, etc. Go see her in person. It's much more difficult for her to avoid you. Then, hold her accountable for her actions! As I said before, this is all very immature on her part. She owes you the courtesy of a response. Just be aware that she may be totally over everything, but it's better to find that out now than to try to hang on.

In general, you should never try to hold these conversations via IM or even over the phone. These should always be done in person.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"  

Answer
Hey Deej!

If you can't meet this girl in person, then what do you have - nothing! Relationships don't exist via phone or IM's, they are only "real" when in person.

I think this is time to get real and to dump this woman and go find someone you can really have a relationship with! There is so much garbage involved here that you're just not going to be able to get through all of it.

Worse yet, why are you focusing so much energy on this one person? There are hundreds of thousands (>100,000) of great women out there and you're wasting your time on just this one that is immature, rude and you can't even get with in person????

Deej, stop this madness right now! No more apologizing! You didn't do anything wrong in the first place, and by now apologizing for it, you're creating a situation that doesn't even exist in reality! Can you see this?

Please for your own sanity, dump this woman and go find someone that is worthy of you. She is not. You've already wasted so much of your time and energy on someone that doesn't deserve it. Even worse yet, you're denying some other far-better woman out there because you're so focused on someoen you can't have.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"