Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/18/2006

Question
thank you....that seems like very good advice. The only problem im running into is i rarely ever see her. That was mainly my reason for calling her up in the first place, otherwise i wouldnt have.

Its just Ive liked this girl for so long and im tired of waiting and tired of keeping feelings in.

Is it better to continue being patient or should i not really hold back?
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Followup To

Question -
I  ran into a girl i hadnt seen for about six years this past thanksgiving. In high school i had the biggest crush on her but i was only a freshman and she was goin off to college so of course she told me she only cared for me as a friend.

We've only had a few hellos since that time long ago which we always have good eye contact and smiles. I ran into her on Thanksgiving...our first glance of each other she walked past and nudged me on the shoulder. I saw she was with a guy but never once the whole day introduced me to him or said who he was. They didnt even seem affectionate towards one another.The next time we talked. She told me how her mother told her about me coaching sports and where I was working. What gets me is why would her mother be telling her this and why would she remember it so distinctly? She passed me one last time after that and nudged me again. My question is her nudging me and laughin a lot when we talk and all the eye contact a good sign. Is that flirting? Im just unsure how to read her. It seems like flirting but i just dont know

So basically i waited this out for about the past nine months or so and finally decided im goin to call this girl up. She didnt answer and her machine picked up.....my message said "I've seen you around as of late and i was wondering if you would like to get to know each other better. I missed the opportunity to get to know you a long time ago when you were going away to school but i would really the opportunity to get to know you now. I left my number and said i hope to hear back from you.

Well about two days after i left the message i was out jogging and i heard a horn blowing and i looked over and she was waving to me. But still I have not received a call back from her. THe whole situation has me very confused and i just need some advice on how to go about all of it....like what to do.....try something else or let it go....i just need some input from someone. Thanks


Answer -
Hello Tony!

Yes - that nudging you was flirting. Women often use clues that to us guys are so subtle as to be missed. They actually think they're being overt however!

I wish you'd written to me before you left that message. Not only should you NEVER leave a message for any woman you are interested in getting to know (it's ok after you get things going), but your message sounds almost apologetic. You don’t want your actions or words to indicate fear or begging.

The good thing is that she hasn’t completely given up on you yet!

How you play this from this point on is going to dictate your success or failure with this woman. Whatever you do, please, Please, PLEASE don’t try to be her “friend” and then think you can “work it from the inside” with her. Many men that don’t know better take this tack. They think that if they befriend a girl, she’ll eventually see what a great guy he is and then fall in love with him. This absolutely, positively, unequivocally DOES NOT WORK – EVER! Women see this coming from a mile away and it just signals to them that the guy is too much of a pussy to do anything. Women only want to date men.

Likewise, don’t be surprised if she doesn’t return your phone call. This is something that has been happening since the new millennium. Women used to return phone calls because it was polite to do so. Now, that stigma of being rude doesn’t seem to have much impact and I believe it’s been coming from new attitudes borne out of the Internet. Just like people often don’t feel compelled to return emails, women often don’t feel compelled to return phone calls.

So, here’s what you do:

You’re going to have to approach her in person. Hopefully you can see her before very long – a week or two at most. When you see her, just walk up to her and say (with a great calm, confidence in your voice), “You never bothered to return my phone call. You know, if you don’t know how to work a telephone, you’re never going to figure out how to work me.”

This has to come off as cocky, not weak and apologetic or “fishing”. She’ll laugh (which tells you it was received as delivered), and say, “Oh, I’ve been busy…” or some other lame excuse. By the way – this is an EXCUSE only. It’s not the real reason. The real reason she didn’t return your phone call is that she didn’t want to seem like she was too eager. If you get the sense that she’s eager, it gives you all the power (in her mind.)

So, next you need to say, “Well, that’s pretty rude of you, but let me tell you how you can make it up to me. Clear your Friday night and I’ll pick you up at 8. We’ll go out and you can tell me what you’ve been up to that you’re so ‘busy’.”

Notice how I didn’t ask her if she was free? Notice how I told her exactly what she had to do to make all of this up? Equally important, I won’t accept any excuse or alteration. I’m direct, clear and specific.

Tony, this is the exact attitude you want to adopt not only with this woman, but with all women. I go very deeply into all of this in my books, “Being a Man in a Woman’s World I & II” and I strongly urge you to read them as you’re going to learn a lot more about this entire game.

Once you get this attitude “fixed” you’re going to start seeing some dramatic changes in women’s responses to you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"


Answer
Hello again Tony!

Patience works to your advantage here. If you seem like you're very busy (dating other women) she's going to be much more motivated to hook up with you. On the other hand, if you chase her, she's going to think that you have nothing going for yourself and women don't want to be with someone that others aren't trying to be with.

I call this the "empty restaurant" effect: imagine that you're hungry and you see two restaurants sitting next to each other. One is full of people and the other is completely empty. Which one do you choose? The full one, right? That's because others must know something you don't.

Women think the same way.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"