Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/2/2007

Question
I am only 15 years old and i think I'm in love with this girl I've only said about two words to her but my friend has told me so much about her i fell like i know her the bad part is shes about to date this other guy and she is in none of my classes and the only way i would be able to talk to her is on myspace that website for friends to talk. and she knows i like her but she has no idea who i am she has seen a picture of me and thats about it. I'm not sure what to do from this point. i really like her and have spent plenty of nights either crying myself to sleep or just thinking about her when i first meet her i had no idea i would like her this much or i would have said more than just hi. ever since my friend told me about this girl i haven't been able to get her out of my mind. I'm not sure if i should make a myspace just to talk to her because i have to do something i cant just sit here and wait for her to break up because she likes very deep and long term relation ships and I'm not sure what to do but one good thing is that her bestfriend really likes me as a friend and would be on my side if it came down between me and this other guy. i don't just want this girl i need and want her this girl is to perfect to just let her slip through my fingers and forget about her I've never felt this way about any other girl before so please i really need some advice!

Answer
Hello Adam!

Man! You sure have a lot of problems with some girl you've never even met! Why are you creating all this drama? Trust me, when you're in a relationship, there'll be plenty of drama - you don't need to create it first!

Here's your first problem: you think you're in love with this girl. Sure that seems all romantic, but in reality, what it does is to take away all your power and give it to her. Trust me on this one: she doesn't want it.

This is the first crush you've had and since you haven't been through it before, you believe it's love. I know it feels very powerful, but in reality, love is something you build over time after getting to know someone. She's a very different person that you think she is.

Instead of convining yourself that you're in love with her, you're better off just believing that she may be someone you might love if things work out.

With regards to talking to her on MySpace, the problem is that this is so distant, you'll never get anything going. Sure, it's reasonably safe, but safe doesn't work when you're trying create a relationship. Safe = alone.

The thing you have working for you is that you've already talked to her. In effect, you're already her "friend". That means you can go up to her and talk to her any time you want.

Just say that you think she seems like a nice girl and that you'd like to get to know her better. Then, agree to go do something fun sometime, but keep it simple. Don't try to plan some elaborate date that will cost you a bundle. Just keep it simple and get to know who she really is.

Don't worry about the other guys she dates. You're a great guy too and she gets to decide who she wants to hang with.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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