Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/6/2007

Question
im a sohpomore in high school. i want to get girls to like me. theres not really a specific 1 but just a lot of them. there mostly friends of my frends but i dont really talk to them. im mostly afraid ill say something stupid plus i dont really know what to say and theyll just think im a loser. im not that confident. please help me. give me some tips to make her go wild.

Answer
Hello Alec!

This is both a good and a bad question. Let's start with the bad first, then the good and then the solution.

What's about about this is thinking that girls don't like you. The problem is, they don't know you! You don't give them the chance to get to know what a great guy you are and thus, you think they don't like you.

Girls don't form negative impressions of someone right off the bat. In fact, they are more likely to think you're at least a good guy or even pretty great! Thus, you're already starting ahead. Don't prejudge girls and make up their minds for them. That's not your job.

The good side of this is that you're not focused on trying to impress any one girl. I get that question all the time and it goes like this: "Hey doc! Can you tell me how to impress this girl I like..."

What they don't add in but what I know they're thinking is this "...so that she'll do all my work for me and I won't have to take any risks of rejection and she'll fall in love with me ..."  Etc.

Alec, do you see how ridiculous that is? I don't want you falling into that stupidity. Let's talk about the reality for a moment: it's YOUR job (as the guy) to approach women you're interested in. That's just the way it is. In VERY RARE CASES, a girl MIGHT approach you, but if you wait around for that, you're going to be one lonely dude. Don't fall into that trap! You're a young guy with a long dating career ahead of you. This is the time to get things straight and to learn how it's done. Your friends are going to be very impressed when you learn how to do it, and you'll be the guy they go to for advice on their own problems.

So, here's the real key to confidence: you NEVER get to have confidence! You only get to borrow it when you need it. That's a little confusing at first, but let me give you an example. I've approached and dated quite literally, thousands of women. That means that I've had to learn how to approach them, talk to them, etc., just like you're doing now.

For the first 10 years of doing this, I was always nervous about it too. Finally, it just became a game and now it's incredibly fun to meet new women. You're going to have that too and the best news is that it's not going to take you 10 years like it did me. When I started out, there was nobody to ask these questions! I had to learn it all by trial and error. You don't have to do that.

So, what's the key to gaining confidence? Simple: education. You want to learn how your "targets" think, act and talk. You want to learn what motivates them to say "yes". Now, here's the other key: it's not all about confidence. It's about having fun!

When you're just kicking back having a good time, do you feel confident? You bet you do! If you'll stop seeing women as something separate and special from you, you'll also learn to relax around them and have fun! Guess what? You'll seem very confident whether you are or not! See how this works?

Imagine you're sitting around with a group of buddies telling stories. You'll all comfortable and confident. Now imagine there are a few girls in there and you do everything exactly the same way. These are just people - not women and certainly nothing special. In fact, (as you will learn) it's YOU that is special here! You see, women are far more motivated to meet and date great guys than even you are to meet and date great women. You are the prize here - not them!

How does know that make you feel? A little more confident? I'll bet it does. Don't think you have to act - or espcially BE - different just because you're around girls. Being your calm, relaxed self will also make you incredibly attractive. Then, all you need to do is learn how to approach - and close - girls for what you want.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II