Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/19/2007

Question
well I have this situation im 17 and i kind of still like this girl.  We weren't really together but we were on the verge; we had been getting to know each other for about a month, and normally i don't have problems being myself, but sometimes im just at a loss for words. Well the problem came a few days ago when she said she wanted to get back wit her ex.  At first I didnt think muh of this, but I was just curious- would there be anyway to win her back?

Answer
Hello James!

First, you need to learn how to read these sorts of signals from women. If she really wanted to just go back to her ex, she'd do it. She wouldn't tell you about it until after it was done out of fear that you'd dump her for being so disrespectful (which it is by the way.)

What she's trying to do is to get you to stand up for yourself and show her some social value. She's actually saying (in "womanese") that you don't think (or at least, don't show) that you're worthy of her and she wants you to do something about it. After all, if you don't believe this how can she feel good about dating you? Remember this little fact: women want to date up - that is, someone they feel is somehow more powerful than they are.

If this were me, I'd have said, "Look, if you want to go back and eat hamburger when you have steak at home, that's your problem. You and he broke up for a reason, so be my guest if that's all you want. I just have to accept the fact that I'm with a 'hamburger girl' when I want to be with a 'steak girl'." Then, you move on mentally and let her PROVE tht she's really worthy of you.

James, take this lesson away with you: you constantly have to prove your social value to the women you date. If you don't, they'll always be looking for the guy that can and will happly follow him when he comes along. You don't want to constantly have to defend your turf - it's far more difficult than simply giving her reasons to do so for you.

At this point, you need to express that power to her. You can use my hamburger/steak speech of you want, but keep in mind that it's a little late. You're going to have to back it up with tons of action now too just to get her to believe it. I suggest you start talking to as many other girls as you can so that she gets the point that you're moving on and it's HER that has to defend her turf if she's still interested.

Always address this sort of challenge from a position of power using a "WTW" ("Willing to Walk") attitude if you don't get exactly what you want. That's how you express value.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"