Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/30/2007

Question
I met and have been somewhat seeing this woman for a few months now. The reason I say somewhat seeing is because we started off dating then it stopped because she wanted to fully focus on her career, hence I stopped contacting her. 2 weeks after I stopped contacting her she started calling me. And now she calls me almost everyday. However, whenever she calls shes talking about her family sometimes in a positive and sometimes in a negative manner, also she talks about her career and how she is just generally "a mess." She feels that she needs to reorgnaize her life some how, but all she is talking about is family and career. Given that it might be a plus since I know that she does not speak about her family to most people. However whenever we talk its only her talking about herself, there is nothing to signify anything towards starting something with me. I am sincere and honest with her and I would like this to become a relationship. Since she does not bring up the topic of relationship I do not bring it up either for fear of putting pressure on her. When we go out its usually like a date, its just the 2 of us however there is not much physical contact since once again I do not want to make her feel like i am pressuring her into something. I feel that she is 50/50 on this or she might just be confused. But still there are others that feel she just might want attention. If she is 50/50 on this I would like to know how can i win the other 50%? Or if she just wants attention then I would like to find out. How do I approach this?

Answer
Hello John!

Here's something you absolutely need to understand about women - almost every one of them are waiting for YOU to set the path, and to take it. They'll happily follow.

Here's the rule:

Women control sex in the relationship, but MEN control the relationship itself!

By sitting back and waiting for her to get her head on straight, you're rushing headlong into the friend-zone. This woman is using your "friend" (and frankly, your lack of masculine understanding) here to chew your ear off about all of her family problems. Ultimately, what she really wants is for you to step up and take back the control she so easily lifted from your hands.

Here's what I suggest you do - tell her that you're not her "friend". That's not where you're going with this and it's not what she wants either (trust me on this.) Tell her that you and she are going back to where you left off. She doesn't need to "get her head on straight" about it at all. You're doing that for her.

You also need to rebuild the physical side of things here. You didn't mention how far you've gone, but you need to move it forward.

John, women will happily "Test" you on every aspect of your relationship with them. You've failed this Test, but that doesn't mean you're out - unless you continue doing what you're doing now. If you want to know more about women's Tests, check ouy my book, "Being a Man in a Woman's World".

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"