Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/15/2007

Question
hey doc, love your site and articles there a great help doc i have some problems and i hope you can give me the insight to fix them doc...
1. im 18 years old and have never had sex before why is this im one of the best looking guys in my school im better looking than all my friends and they have all had sex plenty of times. what does it take to meet a girl and hook up with them or hookup with a girl or two i already know

2.doc im so aggervated with my love life its pretty much nonexistent all girls ever tell me is that they think im hot doc what does it take to the ladies man the guy that can just sweep the girls off their feet i think i have what it takes i just need to learn some stuff from you.

3. doc one thing i know that girls hate is a boring guy im not boring by any means but how can i improve my communication skills with women what do they love to talk about and what about when the conversation gets quiet and you dont know what to say?

thanks doc i hope you can help me out i think i can improve my game tremendously i just need a little push in the right direction. colt

Answer
Hello Colt!

First, thanks for the comments on the site and articles!

You're probably going to be surprised to hear me say this, but this is one of the most intelligent questions I've recieved recently! The reason it's so intelligent is that you're not asking "how do I get this girl that I've been secretly in love with for the past 10 years to go out with me? Oh, by the way, I've never talked to her..."

The very first step is this: your looks have nothing to do with your success with women. We guys make this mistake all the time. We believe that since looks are so important to us, that women must feel the same way. The reality is, they don't.

Let's take an example:

Let's say that you just met the most smokin'-hot girl you'd ever seen. She's a 10+ and you actually start dating her (awesome!) and then you find out, she's also a really a cool, down-to-earth chick too. Frankly, you're still going to focus on her looks, right? Being cool is a great added bonus, but frankly, it's not all that important for most guys!

It's just the opposite for women however! If you are a cool guy (and you know how to show it without being a cocky jackass), you'll have all the tail you can handle. This is true whether you look great or far much less so! In fact, women rate looks down around #8, #9 or #10 in the list of important things they look for in a guy!!

Being the kind of guy that women are drawn to isn't about a few dumb pick-up lines, or dressing a certain way or saying the right things, it's about your ATTUTIDE, pure and simple.

Here's another reality: your looks actually work against you. I'm afraid that reality is the hardest to accept, but it's true. You probably seem "too pretty" for many girls and you might even look gay to them! (Honestly!)

This is why you need to forget about the way you look altogether, and focus on who you are rather than your packaging. I'm not saying you should gain 50 pounds or wear flannel. I'm saying that your attitude - the way you carry yourself, the way you deal with other people (and even more so, the way they deal with you), the way you approach women, etc., has far more to do with your success; in fact, it's absolutely everything.

What's great about knowing this is that you can simply LEARN these skills! It's not some secret, magic formula - every guy should know it!

On the other hand, it DOES mean you've got to drop the pretense of thinking your looks will earn you women. They won't. Trust me.

I'm also glad you mentioned communication skills. This is the single most important skill any guy needs to know. It's also the most neglected skill by most men!

In my books, I teach 4 different "communication models". These are simply methods that psychologists, sociologists, hypnotherapists, and even master pick-up artists use to both predict and adjust the behaviors of others.

For instance, do you know that there's a huge difference between saying "Can I have your number?" and "Give me your number?" The latter one instantly places you as someone of power and conviction. It gives you status whereas the first one takes it away and hands it to the girl! Another important piece of the puzzle is this: women ALWAYS date up - not down. If you give away your power, you're also giving away your chances with them.

Another example: being slightly cocky and throwing "busts" and "challenges" (at the right time, in the right way) establishes you as someone of substance in women's eyes. However, go just a little too far and you lose all the power and status you've just built! One attitude is panty-grease and the other is a chastity belt.

I can give you tons of examples from my own life as well as the lives of my students that support this, but suffice it to say that you've got to get over your own looks - they aren't going to help you - and get focused on what DOES work. It's your atttitude and the ability to create instant rapport and connection through a stance of power and position that will get you into a girls heart - and bed - every time.

It's time to start your study Colt. This is the right time to get this straightened out. Obviously, I suggest you start with my website and books. They'll give you a complete education in a very short time. All you need to do is to bring your own container.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"