Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/28/2007

Question
I got involved with a woman a year ago who was engaged to be married. the wedding due to circumstances (financially mostly)was delayed to this year.  we are close in love-she loves fiance deeply.  She's always going through episodes of trying to break apart from me cause she feels its wrong but she keeps coming back.  she feels he does no wrong and they have a child together so he doesn't deserve  to be left. she's a good woman doesn't mess around (except now). we fit perfectly in everyway as soulmates would. i never pressure her about anything or talk bad about him but i wonder if she loves me more than him would she ever come my way or just stay with her situation because it is not bad.  i feel we have true pure destined love but dont think she can give into it.  probably stay with a good situation thats livable.  but i dare dream what do you think--this is short but take it as it is.

Answer
Hello Karl!

If I were to get into her head, I'd bet she's thinking, "I wish both of these guys were rolled up into one." Why? Because it appears that neither of you have everything she's looking for!

Between you and the fiance, I'd put my money on the fiance! Not only does he have the wedding ahead of him, he's also the father of her kid! He's the "meat and potatoes" and you're the "side salad".

Karl, let me ask you this: is this really the relationship you've always dreamed of having? Is this the best you think you can do? I'd hope not! For me, 2nd chair is NEVER good enough - nor should it be for you!

If this woman was really in love with you, she'd dump her fiance and come rushing into your arms. She isn't doing that. Why not? Believe me, it's not as complicated as she's making it out to be. The answer is simply that he offers her more than you do.

I don't want to get into a science lesson here, but I'll bet there's more under the surface. You might be the stronger male between you and the fiance, but he's the better father-possibility. She's going for security even more than thrill here.

Karl, let's say that she left the fiance for you - would you really want to have her then? She's all over the place and isn't giving you the respect (let alone, courtesy) that you deserve - and you're ok with that.

Don't be! You deserve better than this! Listen to your Uncle Dennis here - there's far better women and situations out there - DON'T settle!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"