Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/12/2007

Question
Hello there,
I have been dating my boyfriend for a couple months, I think I love him but I don't know how he feels about me and I don't want to bring it up just yet because I don't wanna freak him out with all those feelings. The other night we were watching grey's anatomy together. I dont know if you watch it. Anyway on the show, the mother of one of the characters (meredith) is very strict and stern because she wants her daughter to become the best surgeon in the hospital since she doesn't want her daughter to make the same mistakes she did when she was younger, such as dating the wrong men etc. I remarked that perhaps that's why my mom is so hard on me. He looked at me and said, "oh god, now I am freaked out about meeting your mom. Does that mean your mom is really strict and wouldn't like me? I'm scared!" Well he wouldn't be meeting my mom for quite a long time anyway, like for another year or so, because she lives in a foreign country and he knows that he won't meet her anytime soon. LOL. He is really close to his mom and his family too just like me. So is this just a random comment or does this mean he might potentially be thinking of me long-term?

Cheers,
Theo


Answer
Hello Theo!

I have no idea how you draw the parallels between his comment and long-term interest! That's quite a stretch!

This is something like the joke about why it's better to watch a ball game with your buddy than with your girlfriend. It's because you can sit on the couch, not saying a word for two hours and not thing your relationship is in jeapardy!

No, his comment has absolutely, positively nothing whatsoever to do with his long-term interest in you. It doesn't mean he either does or does not want to date you long-term. There is absolutely no association with it in any form or manner!

Don't try to "read into" every little thing he says or does. All he said was that this view of your mother causes him concern - nothing more. Just say, "don't worry - she's going to like you, I'm sure of it" and let it go.

Theo, men are very direct and specific. We don't have lots of hidden agendas and when we say we're "tired" or we're "hungry" or we're concerned about meeting your mom - that's all it means.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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