Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/12/2007

Question
Hi I met this great girl at a bar, danced had fun, we dated for a week, small dates, driving, hanging out. Realy hit it off. Problem is she is not over her ex yet and She realy likes me but needs time, i don't want to scare her away or lose her, another thing is I live far away now, i was going to move back to be closer to her, I want to know how long to give her, too long she could find someone else, too soon I could scare her away, plus i don't want to be a rebound.

Answer
Hello gary!

First of all, there's no such thing as a "rebound relationship". That's just an excuse some people use to explain why a relationship doesn't work, but there's no reality to it whatsoever.

The problem really isn't about her and the ex; frankly, it's about you and your distance! I continue to warn people about LDR's (Long Distance Relationships) because they NEVER work out. Do me a favor and go watch the short video on my website about LDR's. You'll find it at: http://beingaman.com where you can click on BAM TV and you'll see the link for it.

You're never going to get very far with this girl. In effect, you can't be there to relieve her of her need for her ex! Whenever she feels lonely or has something great happen in her life, you can't be there to share it with her. Texting, telephones, email and even video-phone isn't going to substitute. Very soon, (if not already) she'll feel just as alone as she does now!

Until you move back closer, I think you're going to lose this girl. Worse yet, if you try to turn things into something right now (out of fear of losing her) you're just going to lose her anyway! If you back off now, you might have a chance with her later on when you move.

I'd strongly urge you to wait if you really want a chance with this girl.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"