Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/13/2007

Question
I have loved this one girl for 4 years. One day in march we hooked up and ive been head over heels for her. We have had sex and everything seemed to look up. Then she started to be all like, i dont wanna date anyone now. She is the one im meant to be with. She knows how i feel and that i would do anything for her. I need to know how to be really desirable. I play football and am mostly popular. I am ranked state wide in track, so i dont think its anything to do with popularity. I just dont know what to do. I cant loose her, she is everything to me.

Answer
Hello Jared!

Here's the reason why she's pulled back on you: you've told her in every possible way that you have no value and that you've given away all your power to her.

Think about this for a minute: which car do you take better care of - the one you rent or the one you buy? You take far better care of the one you buy don't you? It's simple economics. When you invest in something you take much better care of it.

You are the rental car to this girl. You've given her everything - all for nothing. You've expressed your undying love for her and made all sorts of promises you can't keep (even though you think you can.) In effect, you've taken the feminine roll here and are expecting her to direct and manage this relationship by doing the rest for you.

Jared, this isn't a case of "what more can I do"? It's a case of having already done far too much. You haven't created value in her eyes for yourself and by giving away everything up front, you've told her that you're of no value whatsoever.

The even greater problem is that trying to rebuild this value now is going to be next to impossible, especially considering your need and drive to have her. You're going to have to do things that you just aren't prepared to do.

Honestly Jared, I see this ending badly for you. Here's a rule I want you to memorize: never fall in love with anything or anyone until you own it or them. It's that simple. As soon as you do you give away all your power to it or her.

You're probably wondering what you need to do in order to get her back? Cut off all contact with her and start dating every single girl in school you can get your hands on. You've got to completely take away all that you've given her so that she can earn it back. Of course, she has to realize this too. Right now, she wants to avoid you out of fear so changing her mind isn't going to be easy. Worse yet, getting your attitude fixed so that you can make this move is going to be even more difficult.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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