Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 12/26/2007

Question
im mates with this girl that i really really like
we were really close mates two years ago and i told her i liked her then but she said that she didnt want too ruin the freindship i had a really hard time controlling my emotions i felt alot of jelousy and sadness
and now two years after were mates again and i still like her alot but i havent told her. id love too go out with her but i just dont know how to get her to fall for me i want her more than anything and i cant just control my feelings it ripped me too shreds last time  can u please help me by telling me how i get her too like me or how i can deal with my emotions? please   everyone we know says we make a gud couple

Answer
Hello Marcus!

It didn't work then, and it's not going to work now. Isn't it time you tried a new tactic?

Being friends with a girl is going to get you only that: friends - nothing more. If you want to start dating her, STOP being her friend!

Marcus, there's a built-in mechanism in women to actually prevent this from every working! Sure, you think that by being her buddy that she'll see what a great, loving guy you are and then she'll do all your work for you and you won't have to take any risk of rejection. Here's the reality: when you're this close to her she never gets the chance to see you as anything more than a friend or even a brother - NOT a potential dating partner.

Take a second and think about tongue-kissing your mother. Pretty gross, huh? That's exactly how she feels about you right now. You've become her BROTHER in the same way. Nature has built this system into us in order to prevent inbreeding (mating with family members) as a way to help diversify the species. Women have this even more strongly than men do!

So, here you are acting like her brother and you actually think that's going to get her to start dating you? Absolutely not! It will never work!

What you need to do is to break up the friendship. Tell her that you're not interested in being her friend and get scarce. You absolutely, positively HAVE to start dating other women right away too. You have nothing but a battle ahead of you as it is. If you at least do this, you give her the chance to see you as more, but frankly, the likelihood is extremely low.

The other benefit of dating other women is that you're going to get out there again and will end your single-minded focus on just this one.

Sorry to tell you this Marcus, but you're likely destroyed any chance you might have with this girl. If you want more information on this, go to my website (http://beingaman.com) and watch the video on "Friends" under BAM TV and read my FAQ's under Self Help.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
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