Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/16/2006

Question
hey doc, so here's my problem: I'm still young, and raging with hormones like you might have guessed. I've had not countless amounts of girlfirends in the past but a fair few, and have no problems with experience (dont worry, nothing further than kissing) and i dont think im god's gift to women, but i dont think im paticuarly ugly either. (sorry i thought it might help to give you the background info) but I've fallen for a girl, she's my neigbor, and i'm not shy to talk to her, but she's just perfect. (things like being a christian also, living near, good looking etc) she's also very nice as a person, but thinks quite alot of herself (which im afraid, makes me all the more attracted to her) I was wondering if perhaps you has some kind of technique or form of body language i could use or mabye a conversation that i could bring up 9these are some suggestions, perhaps you have soemthing completely different, im not shy so ill try anything) so as i can even get a little bit closer, if not alot, to getting her closer to me? sorry about the length, but thanks in anticipation.
                     Lewis

Answer
Hello Lewis!

I've got the perfect technique for the perfect situation here. As you said, she "...thinks quite a lot of herself..." That's really a ripe, ideal ground for taking that away a little!

Here's how this works: by "busting" and "challenging" her, you instantly change the relative position between you and she. In effect, you "raise your stock" in her eyes.

In order to do this, you need to treat her like your bratty little sister rather than someone that you're interested in. By giving her attention, you simply play into that belief about herself. Worse, you become just like every other guy that's interested in her.

When you bust her on the other hand, you in effect tell her that she has to work for your attention - that you're not going to just give it to her for free - and you instantly become someone she has to know, because, well, you're not like every other guy!

Do you see how this works?

By acting cocky and treating her like she's not really that interesting to you you're going to become irresistable to her.

In order to do this, just imagine how you'd treat your little sister that always wants to hang around you. You'd be teasing her - and you'd mean it. Of course, you wouldn't be down-right mean to her, but you wouldn't be very warm and cuddly either! This is the balance you want to strike.

For example, if you see her next door, you can say to her, "Are you spying on me or something?" or "You're not going to become one of those nutty busy-body neighbors like you hear about on the news, are you?"

The trick here is to NOT laugh or make it a joke! Act like you really mean it, but leave the question open. Do you or don't you?

If you pull this off just right, you're going to have her eating out of your hands.

One last point: You can't do this without giving her an "in". That is, she has to be able to win your attention at some point. She'll slowly start ramping up her attempts to get you to be more than just her neighbor. Resist the temptation to just jump right in however. Give in just a little - and then take it away again.

You can say something like, "Ok, you're obviuosly looking for attention, but I'm busy right now. Let's go out on Saturday, but I'll call you if I can't." Don't call to confirm however - just assume that she's waiting for you on Saturday, but it's good to keep her guessing until the last minute.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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