Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/16/2006

Question
thanks, but i'm kinda of a coward, and i've tried talking to her but i ran out things to talk about and so i turn around.  what should i do?
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Followup To

Question -
I like this girl in school but shes a senior and i'm a junior.  i want to atleast get her to talk to me and get her phone number.  I would also like to go out with her.  Can you help me and give me advice?

Answer -
Hello Jerry!

Ah, you're looking to impress her, right?

WRONG!!!

You absolutely DO NOT try to impress a woman and expect that she'll just fall in love with you and be clamoring to date you. That’s not how it works.

When you approach someone think “context”. Specifically, what do you and she have in common at that particular place in that particular instant? Obviously, you go to school together. You may even have the same class together. You likely live in the same city together, etc. This gives you your reason to approach her.

I’ll get back to this in a minute, but let’s talk just a little abstract first. Jerry, do you really think that if you approach this girl you can hide the fact that you’re interested in her? No, you can’t. She’ll see it right away. Thus, don’t worry about things like impressing her or trying to hide your interest. Instead, “manage” that interest by making this seem more like a job interview than a date.

You don’t really even know this girl yet. You may very well find that she’s not a nice person at all, even though she’s attractive. On the other hand, she could be the sweetest girl you’ve ever met. Even the fact that she’s in a different grade than you makes absolutely no difference! I tell you all this because you want to have this perspective when you approach her. You’re not trying to convince her to go out with you or to impress her, etc. You’re just trying to find out a little about her.

So, when you determine your context, you’ll also have your reason for approaching her. Walk up to her when you see her and if she’ in a group, just ask her to take a walk with you for a moment. Turn, and walk away with her following. Then, just say, “Hey there, I’m Jerry. What’s your name?” She’ll give it to you. Then use your context.

For example, say, “You’re in Mr. Smith’s class aren’t you? I’m thinking about taking that class next year, what do you think of him?” The point of this is to get her talking. This is actually a total win-win situation since girls love to talk!

Finally, you can say, “You know it’s been nice talking to you, but I have to get going. Here, right down your number and I’ll call you some time so we can do it again.” Then, hand her a pen and paper.

It’s really that easy! Now all you need to do is to set the date and go have some fun. Trust me, THIS will “impress” her!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"


Answer
Hello again Jerry!

Don't try to talk to her - get HER to do the talking for you. All you need to do is ask "open ended questions". An open ended question is one where she has to give you more than a "yes", "no" or a one-word answer.

For example, if you ask her, "Do you like this school?" she'll say either "yes" or "no". On the other hand, if you ask her "What do you like most about this school?" She gets to think about it and give you a narrative answer. This is how you get a conversation going.

As she answers, you should be listening carefully to what she says. Then, use her answers to ask more open ended questions. For example, if she says, "I really like my English classes" you can say, "What about them do you like, the books you get to read, or are you a writer?" She then says, "Well, I'm a writer." You: "Oh really! What kind of material do you like to write."

You see, this can go on forever! Obviously however at some point you need to close and get the number.

For much more on this, check out my FAQ's at my website: http://beingaman.com.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"