Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/7/2007

Question
Hello My name is Morrison, I am 15, in tenth grade, and a bit shy about approaching girls and such..u know the drill lol! ok i'm going to get right to the point their is this girl, named Travina..i'm really feelin' her, and have been since the beginning of my school year. ok she goes to my school and live right by me...well she didnt always I have just recently moved, within the same town so not big but i have been goin to the same school since my tenth grade year. so i noticed her last year near the end of my freshman year but never really knew her...i have actually engaged in interacting with her. Travina is very outgoing, outspoken, and if i must say Attractive...as in like has all the boy's checkin her out. witch leads to my problem..although i am a shy guy...i worked up the guts from just talking to her on the internet..well on the popular website "Myspace" (that is our main communication) ok i made a very bold move on my part that sort of goes aginst my nature: I made the decision to go and sit by her and her friend during our lunch time..i had always by coincidence sat right by her bcause i always sat wit my cousin<<that's beside the point..it was awkward because i had been talking to her over the internet..sat by her, but never said any thing..not even causally speaking...but i guess i had broken ice(well i guessed wrong) but anyways as i went to sit by her i casually started talking, there was a long pause..she never really talked..so for the rest of the lunch i mainly talked to her friend...keep in mind that i had already tried to talk to her at the beggining.. ( i believe i through her off with the suddeness) she wasnt quite expecting me to do such a thing..although she didnt talk much.. every time i did try she would just look at her friend and just chuckle and look away. I think it is because i made very sufficient eye contact(I'm very big with that) but ne wayz.. this went on for about two dayz..as i saw it was better but not signifficantly to a point where i would want to do it again. well later the first day i asked Travina if i had thrown her off at lunch, she replied that i had. it seems that she's much more comfortable on talking to me over the internet, And i did mention that i was a bit shy, and she said well dont be shy around me wave when you see me..I'm pretty sure that she has a hunch that like her but i coulndt tell you..(ok im going to jump from one thing to another lol).......i forgot to mention..but dont feel like going back...she made many little gestures..im very observant so i notice EVERYTHING people do in situations like this, i have a pretty good knowledge of flirt type gestures but im no expert. plus there is no universal type thing for every woman/girl out there. i believe that it veries from individual to individual. that said she did things like put her head down not to far but not to slightly as if she wanted me to see her smiling or grinning or watever she was doin..but anywayz. she never really looked straight in my eyez..she did ask one or two questions... like Are you mixed? which i am mixed with african and anglo so i only responded with a casual "yea" lol.. after like twenty mins into the first day's lunch they just got up and left...cold turkey right... this in a sense puzzled me..i had to blurt bye...they went over to their good friends on the other side of the cafeteria...i found that alittle odd. they could have at least made an attempt to say bye or something...

well i havent lost interest in her and still have something for her today and i really want to try to re approach her..since the first time didnt go as well as i had wanted..it seems i oppend up more than her..and im the shy one, i dont know do you think that her gestures were inviting or just lauging in my face  i still tak to her in mon mthe internet but and also am friends with many of her friends...i believe im a pretty compassionate guy..understand, fun loving, and have a overall good personality, i am somewhat confident in my looks although i dont focus as much on that to attract girls.I just dont know what to do at this point! what should i do?

Answer
Hello Morrison!

This story is so convoluted I have no idea what is going on here!

Ok, no matter. Let's look at what you did right:

* You and she have struck up a conversation. You are no longer strangers.
* When you approached her at lunch, you engaged her friend directly. This is an important lesson you need to use for the rest of your life. When you approach more than one girl together, always engage the group - not the "target".
* You continue to be direct and fight through your shyness and approach.

Good job!

Now, the next step is to turn this into something else. What you want to do is for the next week have zero contact with her. Don't talk to her on MySpace or at school other than to say "hello" when you pass her. You're taking away your attention from her.

Next week is Valentine's day. Here's what you do: use your computer to print at least 5 **SIMPLE - NOT MUSHY** Valentine's Day cards. Make them all the same and make them friendly, not romantic. Try to make them funny if you can - something like, "Valentine's Day isn't for sissy's" or "V-Day is TO-day", etc. Use your imagination.

Then, when you see her and her friend(s) (which is why you want more than one of them) give the cards to everyone she's with! (Well, the girls). This will be a nice, cute gesture, but won't come off as creepy because you're giving them to everyone. Then sit down and ask everyone how they're celebrating. Get the conversation going with everyone EXCEPT Travina.

After a few minutes, you can turn your attention to her. Just say, "Hey, I've been ignoring you. What are you doing to celebrate?" Then, just let her talk. After being ignored, she's going to be grateful for the chance!

Later on, you can approach her separately (after breaking the ice like this) and say, "Hey, let's get together this weekend and [do something]." Clear up [Saturday/Sunday] and we'll meet. Write down your phone number here." Then, hand her a pen and a piece of paper.

What's cool about this is that it's easy and a sure-bet.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"