Expert: Aaron Beck - 9/30/2006

Question
i can i build trust up in this man and not make this a permanet move, he states he needs time and has fears i will go back to being the old rhonda hes going through the end of his final divorce papers
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Followup To

Question -
please help me im trying to heal him and trying to explain we can trust again.. i love him
Please create a miracle for boyd and rhonda, pray boyd will heal and remember the love they shared and heal, pray being away from her makes the heart grw founder and he goes and brings her back before the month is out so holidays and the birth of their baby will be a remembrance to both. please create a miracle that boyd will keep the faith and understanding of uncondiyional love for rhonda and not ask her to leave like he has and remeber they are good together.. she has changed and is sory abour past.. please let their familys quit fighting and love them and the new baby due in feb. our love is there but we need gods help to put us back together. pray boyd will come to rhonda and ask for her hand back and that this temp seperation won't be long. they have 2 kids apiece whom are also taking this hard and they are also. pray that counseling and prayer will make these soul mates grow stronger together and that they will be together again before the holidays to enjoy the birth of their baby. she needs his affection, love and desire and wishes for no one else. boyd needs to heal and recover from past problems and learn to forgive and let no other person or anything ever come between them again, and believe in her she loves him and isnt perfection. please god i trust you and place our relationship and love in your hands and hearts, please commit this couple back to each other and let happiness rule again.. pray being away makes them so miserable that they flock to each other and care and love again.. amen pray for boyd to comeback and continue the loving relationship with rhonda, pray he builds trust and faith in her and forget about vickie or others. pray he quit questioning her about chris and fills up with happiness, faith and unconditional love for her, the family and the baby, let know one take away their happiness. pray they both heal and pray and live by god words and prayers. pray he says i love you to her and suports and loves her and the baby with showers of affection and love. pray he wont quit and change his mind to stand for this relationship and her with in love, amn please send a miracle today. allmy love. keep family safe and healthy. and will stand by her through the baby and be a devoted team with her through pregnancy. pray vickie will find someone else to talk and love also and leave these two alone forever. pray also the couseling helps heal and build spirit inside each one of them..amen  pray for ultimate trust and faith to re enter them both and love..
PLEASE PRAY FOR AN URGENT MIRACLE FOR BOYD AND RHONDA WITH THEIR FAMILY AND BABY ON THE WAY. HE ASKED ME TO MOVE OUT LAST WEEK. I FOUND AN APARTMENT AND MOVED OUT. HE SAID HE NEEDS TIME AND WE MOVED IN TO FAST AND WE HAD PAST ISSUES THAT REALLY HURT HIM, NO I NEVER CHEATED ON HIM, BUT I WAS TX ANOTHER LAST OCT AND NEVER TOLD HIM ABOUT IT, SECRETIVE AND DIDN'T WANT HIM TO LEAVE US OVER IT. THEN THE FIRST YEAR IS ALWAYS THE HARDEST AND WELL WE HAD PROBLEMS AND STRESS. WE HAD A BLOW OUT IN MAY AND HE HAD TOLD A GIRL HE KNEW IN FRONT OF ME HE LOVED HER JUST TO HURT ME, AND THEMN WE WENT AWAY AND A MIRACLE WAS CREATE, WE FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT AND STILL HAVING PROBLEM ETC. HE JUST SIGNED HIS FINAL DIVORCE PAPERS ON THE DAY HE ASKED ME TO LEAVE WITH MY FAMILY GETTING INVOLVED CAUSE IM 4 MONTHS PREGNANT AND THINGS HAVE BEEN HORRIBLE, IVE BEEN ACCUSSED OF OTHER BEING THE FATHER AND BOYD IS THE FATHER AND MY 17 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WON'T TALK TO ME, SAYS IM AN IMBRASSMENT TO HER AND BLAMING ME AND TRYING TO USE BOYD AND I AT EACH OTHER. IM TRYING TO HANDLE THIS DEPRESSION AND LOVE HIM AND DID NOT MEAN TO HURT HIM, I MISS HIM AND NEED HIM HERE WITH ME, HE SAYS ONLY TIME WILL TELL AND HE NEEDS TIME, IM GIVING IT TO HIM AND ITS HARD. IVE LOST 9 LBS AND EMOTIONALLY A MESS. MISSING AND LOVING HIM AND TRYING TO NOT BOTHER HIM. PLEASE CREATE A MIRACLE FOR LOVE AND US GETTING BACK ON TRACK, PRAY OUR LOVE IS STRONGER THEN THE WINDS TONIGHT AND PRAY ALL OTHER PEOPLE TELLING US STUFF AND GIVING THEIR INSIGHT, PLUS THE PEOPLE TRYING TO TRY WITH BOYD WILL GO AWAY AND LET US BE HAPPY. I PRAY SO HARD THAT WE WILL UNITE BEFORE THE HOLIDAYS AND MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR WEARING A BADGE WILL REALIZE HOW MUCH HE MISSES ME AND LOVES ME AND WANTS ME BACK BEFORE ITS TO LATE TO ENJOY THIS PREGNANCY, AND THAT HE LOVES THIS BABY EVEN THOE IT WASN'T PLANNED. THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL MY LOVE AMEN RHONDA... PLEASE PRAY HE MISSES ME AND COMES FOR ME AND DRAWS MY HEART AND HIS TOGETHER AGAIN. FAITH HOPE AND LOVE WITH TIME

Answer -
Rhonda,

I will pray for you and Boyd.  

I would also like you to have faith in your prayers (and the prayers of others) and do not try and help God do His work.  What God wants you to do right now is pray and to take good care of yourself and your unborn baby so that the baby will be born healthy and have a good chance in this world.

Make sure you take your prenatal vitamins and be sure and see a doctor as soon as you can -- it is not good that you have lost nine pounds at a time when you should be gaining weight.  If you cannot afford a doctor, please go to a Free Clinic.  At four months, you need to see a doctor.

In you need to write back to me, please do so.  I will pray for you and Boyd and for the baby.

Aaron

Answer
Rhonda,

I don't know how to answer that question.  Possibly the best thing you can do is continue to pray and take care of your (and his) baby.  

I can sense your anxiety and pain and I wish I knew exactly what to tell you.  Trust -- by it's very nature -- takes time to develop especially if it has been broken.  When I read your first letter it did not sound as if you had betrayed his trust to any great extent (except maybe the trip to Texas) but possibly there are other issues.  

I think it would be advisable for you to talk to someone who can help you through this and give you good advice.  Maybe your mother or other family member?  Friends?

The problem that you are going to have is that it will be difficult for you to maintain proper perspective because all you can think about is getting back with Boyd.  I can tell that you love him but the immediate priority is for prayer, take care of yourself, and talk to friends and family for support.

AB