Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/4/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hello Dr.

I recently saw an old lover ( we've been broken up for 6 mths after a 3 year relationship )I saw her she didn't see me ( concert ) well I'm still missing her but dating several people I'd like to call or write her how do I do it, she told me 5 mths ago to stop calling her . what do I say or don't say ? I know getting back together isn't the end of the world but we shared some great times and I was the goof up and want a second chance . could you help a brother out ?

ANSWER: Hello Kyle!

You bet I'll help a brother out!

First of all, DO NOT; under any circumstance, apologize for mistakes of the past! All this does is to bring them back up and make the a reality. After 6 months, she's forgotten them (just as you obviously have - more on this in a minute.)

Instead, just call her up (or meet up with her somewhere that you know she'll be if possible) and say, "Hey, I just thought I'd catch up with you and see how you're doing." Dno't worry that she told you not to contact her. In fact, don't bring that up either! Just act like she's an old buddy that you haven't talked to in a while. Suggest you and she meet for a drink to catch up and that's where you want to really turn on the charm.

Now, consider that you haven't fixed the problems you had that caused you to break up. That means those same problems are still there. Don't expect that everything's going to just be hunky here. You're going to eventually have to deal with those things so I strongly advise you to get a game-plan in place to deal with them BEFORE they become another big fight. This is all assuming that you put something back together with her.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: sounds good ! but what do I do if she doesn't answer the phone do I leave a message ?  ? should I e-mail her or write ? or if she's seeing someone else . I don't want that push- pull thing going on again. I want just to be able to speak with her and if thats all there's left is a conversation I'll be O.K with it I will have felt that I tried thats all anyone can do right ??.. I have heard girls/ women don't like to go out with their ex's is this true ?

ANSWER: Hello again Kyle!

It's best to just "run into her" if you can coordinate that, but a reasonable backup is to call her. When you do, DO NOT leave a message, and be sure to block your number (set it as "private"). If you don't catch her off-guard, she'll have plenty of time to craft a response designed to punish you for past problems. You want her to have to react, not to try to play some game of strategy.

No, that's not true. Women LOVE seeing their ex's again! It makes them feel irresistable and boosts their sagging egos brought about by your break-up.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: OK I should call her and block my number , if she's sounding put off what should I do ? I mean I need the script or the conversation, or what do i say if she's not alone ? there has to be a way to reopen the door , we were good together until this big misunderstanding , and the ending  wasn't ugly just some push pull and that was that then noting.. .. and thanks for your prior input,,

Answer
Hey Kyle!

Ignore it. Her sounding put-off is likely just strategy. No, you don't need to script anything. Just play it by ear. Even if she's not alone, just assume that she'll be thrilled to hear from you and go from there.

Why are you creating all the negative scenarios in your mind? Assume the best and expect it to happen - don't go for the worst and assume you have to recover from it.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"