Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/25/2007

Question
Hello Dr. Dennis W. Neder
Here is my problem. I recently moved to the states from Canada, for a good job i found. My close friends always told me they have a girl they want me to meet. She moved in with them after i moved to the states. When i went back to visit them and i met her, we had a great time together, i was only able to spend the nights(3 nights) with her. She is all i look for in a woman, she is my perfect 10. We made out a lot the 1st 2 nights, we had sex in the last night. Then i made a mistake of asking her "now what?". I think she assumed i am asking her to have an exclusive long distance relationship with me. She liked me a lot too. and she agreed to whatever i asked her.
After i went back, we spoke on the phone like a couple for a few days, then she said "we need to talk". we all know what that means. She said she just broke up with her boyfriend back home from a serious relationship, she is new to town, and she doesnt want to this relation. I told her i understand her situation, i don't want to hold her back from anything she wants, and i just want to be able to spend more weekends like that with her.she said that is fine.
i didn't hear from her again. until i went back to visit my friends(her house mates), except this time, i was sleeping in the basement as opposed to her room. i later find out she wasn't OK with me staying there the 2nd visit. But she soon didn't care so much.
This 2nd visit, whenever we hung out we only hung out as friends. It was a little awkward at first but then it was OK.
Now am back in the states, she is always messaging me on msn, sometimes text messaging me to call her, and more than often asking to go visit them again.
I don't know if she wants me to visit because she miss me or because she is alone and bored. I am trying to figure it out, please help me.
I also want to know what i should do to keep her interested in me, i want her for me, and to be honest I'd do anything to make her mine. even though she is so far...i am willing to visit her atleast once a month.
Thank you very much.
Amaso.

Answer
Hello Amaso!

First off, I don't know what she's thinking any more than you do - in fact, likely less. What I do know is that she's lonely and has you to rush back up there when she wants someone to entertain her.

Here's your real problem - you're long-distance. You need to realize that LDR's ("long-distance relationships") NEVER work out. There are a thousand reasons why that I won't get into here, but I encourage you to go to my website (http://beingaman.com) and watch the short video on LDR's under BAM TV.

You have to stop kidding yourself here. You can't have an exclusive relationship by seeing her only once a month and talking to her via phone, text and email. Either you're going to have to move back or she's going to have to move down here. That's the real answer.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
www.beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"