Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 12/28/2007

Question
Dr. Neder,
There's this girl who I grew up with in a small high school where we were all close friends (a small class of around 70).  Shes very sweet and innocent, which I guess is why I've become more fond of her over the years.  We've always been friends through school, but not to the point where it would be "weird" to pursue anything more than so.  I usually don't have any problems approaching girls and telling them how I feel, but seeing as though shes a friend of mine I don't want to "creep" her out.  I would love to take her out to dinner, and tell her how I feel because I usually tend to have a very good way with words...but I'm not exactly sure if this is the best approach to taking friendship to a level for than that.  I don't want to damage our friendship if she doesn't feel the same way, but I don't see how I can not tell her how I feel.  What would be the best way to let her know how I feel, and how exactly would I go about it so as not to damage our relationship as friends?
Thanks so much,

Rick

Answer
Hello Rick!

Ok, Rick - where do I start with you? You've got so many different problems here I'm not sure where to start peeling this onion!

First of all, you have to decide what you want with her - either you want a friendship or you want more. You can't have both. In other words, if you approach her for more you absolutely WILL destroy the friendship! No if's and's or but's about it! If you don't want to ruin the friendship then do nothing. Period.

The second problem you have is this thing about telling her your feelings. That is ALWAYS going to creep her out! You should NEVER unload your feelings on any girl. You do this for the same reason you became friends with her in the first place - you're hoping that if you tell her how you feel that she'll just say, "Oh Rick! I've always felt the same way!! [gush, gush, gush]" and then you won't have to do any other work or take any real risks because she'll have just done all your work for you.

That's never going to work.

You have yet another thing working against you - you're her "friend". I don't know how deep that friendship goes, but frankly, if it's more than just an acquaintence, you're probably screwed. Women don't date their "friends".

Do me a favor and go to my website (http://beingaman.com), click on BAM TV and watch the short video on "Friends". Then, click on "Self Help" and read my FAQ's for more on turning friends into something more. That'll get you started.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
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