Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/22/2007

Question
Hello,

My boyfriend of 4 months was very loving, kind, gentle, and respectful, and very passionate. We were very good friends who could talk about anything and had almost everything in common.

He came to me out of the blue and said the next two months at work were going to be extremely stressful and "we need a break"

Oh god how I hate that line.

I asked him if it was for good and he said "just for now"

I completely stopped talking to him. In fact I didn't even see him. A couple weeks later I thought he was dating another woman he was always with. So I asked him about it and he said no, he was not dating this woman (turns out she is his sister)

I told him I almost burst into tears thinking he was with someone else. He said he never wanted to hear about me crying, that it would make him very sad. He plays the violin in the symphony, he is playing the pit for a local play. He then invited me out to come see him play the next week and watch the skit, he said I should come see him and gave me a ticket (the people in the pit orchestra get like 30 extra tickets).

Obviously he still wants me in his life as a friend. But the real question is, does he want me back as his girlfriend? - Lindsay

Answer
Hello Lindsay!

Gee...let me consult my crystal ball here....hmmmm...I seeing something....let me look closer....ok....it's coming into focus....ok....there it is! The answer:

I don't read minds.

Sorry Lindsay, him giving you a ticket to come hear him play doesn't equate to wanting you back as a girlfriend, but then, it doesn't mean he doesn't want you either! In fact, YOU know him better than I do! Why don't you ask him?

Even better, why don't you start dating other guys instead and stop worrying about him and this problem he can't talk to you about?

Look - a relationship "break" is a very specific thing with specific rules and timeframes. When you BOTH as a couple don't agree on these rules, it's simply one thing: a break-up. That's what you have now. You and he are no longer dating or in a relationship and that's exactly how you should treat this.

Just because he wants you to hang around while he figures out what he wants doesn't mean you have to do this. This is just his way of keeping you around while he finds out if there's something better out there for him. Personally, I'd be pretty insulted by this - and I think you should be too.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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