Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/6/2007

Question
This girl is very special to me but there's a problem, her roommate want's me very bad. But I'm not interested and I've already told her clearly. The girl I'm interested in is always taking to me on msn (I know msn is not the best way but I can't call there and get caught by her roommate on the phone with her). I already ask her out on a date and she said yes but 2 days before the date she said she could not go because she felt to bad for her roommate.

Since then we are still talking on msn and I've seen her twice at party's that she invited me. Everything went well we talked and we laugh together, but her roommate was never to far so we couldn't be alone.

I'm just wondering if she is just being nice to me or she's just waiting for her roommate to let me go?

Answer
Hello John!

Ahh...the "unspoken rule". These girls have bonded together against you. Yes, this girl wants to hang with you, but she doesn't want to hurt her roommates feelings or seem to slip one past her.

Here's what I recommend, (and be aware up front, this is going to take some cobbles!)

Next time you are invited to a party with both girls, bring them together. Go up and ask one of them to follow you and then walk up together to the other one - it doesn't matter which is which. Then say, "Look, we're all adults here. You [the girl you're not interested in - "girl #1"] know that I'm not interested in you, and you [the one you ARE interested in - "girl #2"] are using that as an excuse to not meet me. It's time to get past all of this - ok?"

Now, what are these girls supposed to say? Girl #1 isn't going to know whether Girl #2 is interested or not, so she's not going to challenge this! Girl #2 is going to look good by not wanting to hurt girl #1's feelings, so she's going to come off as the "good friend" and cause girl #1 to stand back. Frankly, all she can say is, "It's ok - I think you should go out with him."

Ka-Ching!!!

Not only do you get girl #2 off the fence, but you get girl #1's blessings!!!

Notice however that you need to get them in front of each other - don't try to do this over the internet or telephone. If you do, they'll have a chance to work out their strategy beforehand, and your plan will backfire.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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