Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/3/2007

Question
me and my girlfriend met at work, we didn't hit off right away but i was always attracted to her, as she was to me. when we finally got together(five months ago) i thought that she was the one, we talked about being together for ever. i recently got a job away from home and we went from spending everyday together to just once a week, and that was uncertain. she told me she loved me just a week ago and before she said she was the happiest she had ever been. we had a talk last week and she said she didn't like hurting any more while i was away, i couldn't bear it either and told her i was moving back. now that I'm back she says that she doesn't have the same feelings for me anymore, but i don't see how they can change so quickly, is she kidding herself? my feelings have never been stronger and I've told her this. I'm willing to work at it to try and win her back but it's just trying to get her to do the same. i know she still has feelings for me, she must do, whenever we speak she's upset and i can't understand why she wants it to be over, please help.

David

Answer
Hello David!

Ah...another long-distance relationship ("LDR") tragedy! David, I can't tell you how often I hear this very same story.

Here's the reality...LDR'S NEVER, EVER work out. They just don't! There are so many reasons for this that I can't go into them here, but suffice it to say that this is the fact.

Everbody also has something of a "window of opportunity" after which, getting their hearts back is very difficult - if not impossible. It appears that's what has happened here.

If you haven't moved back home yet, you have absolutely no chance of saving this. I'm sorry to tell you, but that's the fact.

If you HAVE moved back, you might have a chance if that window isn't closed, locked and the shades drawn. If this is the case I suggest you talk to her and just ask her to give it one more chance. Agree on a specific timeframe - like a month and see where it goes. If she can't find that love in her heart by that time, you're going to have to accept this and move on.

On the other hand, this is the best chance you have of rebuilding the relationship you once had.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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