Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/2/2007

Question
Alright.. I met this girl about 2 years ago and we hit it off real well since day one... problem then was she had a boyfriend.  Now she is single (about 7 months) and we had been hanging out together. She went through this "single and loving it" stage, and I really don't know if she is really done with that.  We kinda work around each other, and joke and laugh all the time,I think we are great together.
 So a couple of days ago we worked together and after work we went out for drinks and ended up back at my place to watch movies and talk. It gets late and she ends up crashing at my place, and she slept in my room as I slept on the couch... nothing happened, but she was so nervous she could barely talk.  Next day we have to work and she needs to go shopping so I take her,And we do dinner and have a blast. Later that night we are working again having a great time and we do it again. (drinks after work) All this time I am drinking and laughing with her I thinking How great we are together.  During our flirting and laughing, we have a little point where we caught each others eyes and total awkwardness and nervous filled the room...I didn't do anything, moved on to the next conversation.  Now we are leaving, flirting and laughing this awkwardness shows up again and as shy as I am I don't kiss the girl.  I give her my number and the night is pretty much done.  Alright...now I was really wondering if she is attracted to me? should I have kissed her? I am kinda really hoping that she calls me and would like to go out but if she doesn't call and I work with her next weekend... how do I approach this to get to the next level?
What I really think to myself is that I should of kissed her, but that is gone now. Now I just really want to make up for lost opportunity and kiss her...but How?
 Is there anything I can do to really get this girl that I have "fallen" for?

Answer
Hello Jim!

Let me answer your questions first, and then I'll follow-up with some very important information about it:

1) Yes, she appears interested in you.
2) Yes, you should have kissed her.
3) You approach her by being direct and forward about what you want.

Now Jim, the bad news. You've really blown it here. You've invested all this time and energy into this girl, shown her that you're interested, gave her your number and expected her to do all your work for you. Girls find this creepy. The awkward points are all because she was expecting you to be the man here and take the reins, and you expected HER to be the man!

Jim, somebody here has to be the man and move this forward. I hope for your sake, it's you. She's not going to put up with this for very long and it's just going to get weirder and weirder.

Your best plan of attack now is to make this seem like it was your plan all along. Don't expect her to call you - she won't. Women won't do this for tons of reasons I won't get into here. It's your job to either move this forward or make it a platonic friendship.

When you see her at work, just say, "Hey, it was really fun hanging out with you last week. Let's do it again. Clear your Friday night [or whenever] and I'll pick you up at 8." Notice I didn't "ask" her? That's important. Say it just like this. It shows that you're (finally) taking some control here.

Next, when you see her for this date, walk right up to her and kiss her - don't wait for some moment during the date or at the end! Get this first kiss over with already! Make is sensual, but not sloppy and let it linger. Then, just go on like nothing happened. Her head will be spinning!

Jim, once you get this out of the way, everything will be much easier - trust me. You've held this out for so long that it's now the 800 pound gorilla that you have to battle. Get it over with so that you can move forward.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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