Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/20/2007

Question
I also asked Aaron, but if you guys don't mind, I'd like to see what both of you have to say. I'm very confused about all of this..
OK- here's the deal: I've known this girl for 3 years, we have band together, we play the same instrument, and for these three years we've really gotten to know each other pretty well and we've shared some easy-going conversations. I got a job where she works about two months ago. She's graduating in a week or two, and I will be a senior next year while she's at college (Good thing is she's going to the college I plan on attending). I've had feelings for her for a year, but always felt that the age difference would make this relationship impossible. After thinking about her gone for a year, I began to become somewhat depressed and told myself, "She'll still be here for the summer.. maybe i COULD get this to work...."
So I've been contemplating about asking her out- whether it should be just ask her to join me at an ice cream place or whether to join me and a group of friends doing something, HOW to ask her for a date(considering she never formally GAVE me her phone number and time to talk to her at work is scarce, can't talk to her at school cause she's gone now). I've also considered remaking "Hey There, Delilah" (Plain White Tee's ... It's a love song) and give it to her in the form of a cd at work to ask her out OR to ask her out first, then give her the cd as a "go steady?" thing. I am very confused because, at times, it seems like she thinks of me as not someone meant for her, but someone one year younger than her. I can assure you, I don't act stupid or immature at all and this isn't the issue... She smiles and sometimes will yell "Tyler!" when she sees me so at other times I think it would work out perfect... sorry for all that text but.... what are your thoughts?
Thank you a ton!!!

Answer
Hello Tyler!

Tyler, it's considered rude to "cross-post" these questions. I serously doubt that Aaron and I would see things exactly the same and thus, would give you different answers. Then, what do you do?

It's far better to ask someone who's other responses you agree with or that seem to match your situation best and then to stick to their answers. In effect, you make two or more people work very hard to give you an answer and then completely ignore all but one!

I'll let Aaron answer this. If you don't like his answer or need more clarity, feel free to follow-up, but please don't cross-post to me. I already get a TON of questions every single day here and through my website and many other channels.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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