Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 1/31/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi my son was diagnosed at two with sensory integration disorder. We got amazing treatment and had lots of occupational therapy. We found an amazing treatment center and a private OC that worked wonders with him. And from 4.5 yrs to now, 6 yrs he was doing great and playing wonderfully with kids and starting to really do so well at his small school that his teacher told us she had moved on to other kids as needing her focus. Then all of a sudden in the last couple months he starting going backward. He suddenly has stopped wanting to go out again, stopped wanting to go to school and started bullying other kids at school. He is locking himself in the bathroom and calling his teacher stupid from inside it, exhibiting all round bad behavior when a friend comes over (like "gimme" tantrums and screaming if he doesn't get his way and aggresive behavior) and I am at a loss as to A. what brought this on and B. how to handle it. We are very calm parents, we don't hit or lose our tempers, we are also very loving with him and eachother. We are not those parents that fight or talk badly in front of our child or let him stay up too late or ignore him etc. Most of the time he is very happy but his emotions are very strong compared to other kids and when he is happy he is so happy but when he is upset he seems far more upset than other kids. I feel like I am trying so hard to do right by him but some days I am exhausted and just cry myself to sleep. I don't know what to do anymore. I love him and I am so glad he came into my life but I want to help him to be the best kid he can be given his circumstances  and I just don't know how. If you could offer me any advice on how to deal with his emotional outblasts I would greatly appreciate it. He tells me he tries to tell his body to stop but he can't and sometimes I can see that but the problem is I never know what is sensory behavior that he can't help and what is just bad behavior that he needs discipline for. I love him but I am really frustrated. Thanks for your advice, what I've read so far has helped. Cheers

ANSWER: Hi Sandra,

I'm thinking that the sensory integration disorder was only one symptom of an autistic spectrum disorder such as Asperger's Syndrome. Sometimes, OC and other treatment for SID sort of bandage the problem for a few years. I'm not saying it was not good that he received treatment for the SID, it's fabulous that it was diagnosed so early.

Be sure and ask the teacher if something happened at school. Sometimes a small slight gets blown out of proportion and affects everything else. The social issues of elementary school may be a new challenge he is having a hard time handling. If she cannot identify an event that might have set this off, I suggest you get in touch with the doctor who initially diagnosed him and have him re-evaluated.

As to discipline while you wait to find out about the cause, I think that firm limits consistently enforced are the way to go. If he has a melt-down, move him to a quiet place and have him "timeout" until he can calm down. Simple tantrums where no one is in danger should be ignored. Leave the room and let him yell.

Don't forget the power of positive reinforcement. Thank him for being polite. Notice good behavior and give attention without "praising". Ignore rudeness or say, "I only answer people who use a kind voice."

Above all, don't blame yourself for his outbursts. You are a good parent and you did not cause his problems. Feeling guilty will only increase your frustration and exhaustion.

I often recommend the parenting materials from "Love and Logic". They saved our lives in rearing our daughter. Basically, it works on using logical consequences and accepting that kids need to make small mistakes to learn how to make good decisions. Their web site is www.loveandlogic.com.

Write back and let me know what you find out.

Best wishes,
Catherine



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Catherine, I think my son does have aspergers. I have been reading about it and I feel there is a fit. Do you know where I might start treating this? Now I don't know where to begin to deal with this. I live in Toronto and would love if you could recommend a place to turn to or a specialist in this area. Also can you recommend some books to me about it. We are now seeing that school just isn't working for him and we don't know where to turn or what to do. We used Blue Balloon for him when it was thought that it was sensory integration and we may go back to occupational therapy. I think it did help but now it feels like it just isn't enough and we need help to deal with so much more. Help again, sincerely Sandra Farnsworth

Answer
Hi Sandra,

I am not your best resource for doctors or clinics in Canada. I recommend you find the autism advocacy organization in your area. Do a web search using "autism" and you will likely find their web site. I found AutismOntario at http://www.asotoronto.org/ It looks like a good site.

You can also has your son's doctor for a referral (I hear that getting such things in Canada can be difficult). The occupational therapist will surely have worked with other Asperger's kids and should be able to tell you where to find help getting a diagnosis.

I am surprised that the school has not suggested a new evaluation. They should be as concerned as you are in finding the best way to help your son.

Now, books and web sites, I can help with. This list has places where you can read more about Asperger's and many links to other information.

http://www.neurodiversity.com/main.html (many links to books, articles and resources)

http://www.patientcenters.com/autism/news/resources.html (books and resources)

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/asperger.htm (the definitions and
U.S. government links)

http://www.autism.org/ (many links to information)

You are your son's best advocate, keep fighting for him. With the right treatment and education, he can become a happier child. I know it is overwhelming right now. Find other parents with children who have an autistic disorder. There are many online discussion boards and I'm sure the autism society sponsors support groups.

Best wishes,
Catherine