Expert: Dr. Sharon A. Mitchell - 10/15/2008

Question
Hello. my name is Drew Young. I am 21 years old. and i live in Green Bay Wisconsin. on my 18th birthday i was diagnosed with high functioning autism. Having high functioning autism it is hard for me to find and make friends . Right now all i do is sit home, because i have no friends to hang out with. I also have a job but it is hard for me to make friends. so i was wondering if there is an easy way for me to make friends or what i should do to make friends. Right now i wish i had friends to hang out with. I had a lot of drs appointments when i was younger but they diagnosed me with adhd and aspergers. but on my 18th birthday i had testing and thats when i got diagnosed with autism.

Answer
Hello Drew.

You must be confused about the mixture of diagnoses you have received. Many bright kids are at first diagnosed with ADHD as attentional difficulties are certainly a part of autism spectrum disorders, for a variety of reasons. But for some of these kids, the adults around them gradually conclude that ADHD does not account for all that's going on. That's when you may have received a diagnosis of Asperger's.

The diagnostic difference between high functioning autism and Asperger's is that to receive an Asperger's label, you would have had to develop spoken language at around the same time as would typical toddlers. Many people with high functioning autism don't develop their expressive language until a few years later.

Actually, the particular label does not matter that much. What's important is finding out the strategies that work best for you and the strategies that work for Asperger's work for high functioning autism as well.

Social difficulties are inherent in both.

No, I'm not sure there's an easy way for you to make friends but there are definitely ways to do it.

Have you heard of Temple Grandin? She's probably the most famous adult with autism. She's a professor at the University of Colorado, has written several books on autism and speaks on this subject around the world. She believes that it's important for people with Asperger's and autism to get into jobs that interest them because this is where they'll have interaction with other people who share similar interests.

Interests is where I'd suggest that you start. You mention that you have a job. Is it a career that interests you? Is it fun? Do you enjoy some of the people you work with?

Many us develop friendships with the people we meet at work. These friendships can begin with chatting over a coffee break, going for a walk together at lunch, discussion movies you've seen then suggesting you go see one together.

If you don't have a passion for your job, what do you enjoy doing? Playing music, computer games, bowling, or anything can be a catalyst for meeting people and forming friendships. Is there a way that you can turn what truly interests you into a future career?

It's going to take effort on your part, but one of the best way to meet people and begin to form friendships is to join something. Exactly what you join is not that important; it just needs to be something that interests you and will give you pleasure. Some people find companionship through church groups. Local community colleges often offer night classes. There are ones you take for college credit as well as ones that are just for fun, such as Learn to Play the Guitar or Japanese for Beginners. Such courses would get you out of the house, broaden your knowledge and skills and provide a way to meet people who have similar interests.

Another type of group to join is one connected to an autism community. You're lucky. In Wisconsin there are a number of such groups. Here's a page from the group in Madison: http://www.autismmadison.org/ausome/index.htm

According to this website, there is a branch of the Autism Society of America in Green Bay. Check out this site and give them a call or email to see if they have a group for young people. http://www.asw4autism.org/ASWinfo.htm#Wisconsin%20ASA%20Chapters

If by chance there is not yet a young adult group in Green Bay, ask to be put on their mailing list so you'll know if one starts. Or better yet, offer to assist them in starting one. Here you'll find tips for such groups: http://www.autismmadison.org/ausome/tips.htm Through such groups you'll find companionship and learn socializing skills that you can then carry onward to other situations.

Here's how to reach the Autism Society of Wisconsin http://www.asw4autism.org/ Their email address is asw@asw4autism.org. Here's the site for the Autism Society of North East Wisconsin http://www.asnew.org/

Apart from running social groups, the Autism Society likely has people close to home whom you can talk to about feeling lonely and what you would like to do.

No one likes to feel alone. For some people with autism having friends may not look the way things are portrayed on television. Different people have differing needs for closeness. Sometimes a friend is someone who shares your interests and you like to do things together. Many of us have certain friends we do some things with and different people we seek out for other activities.

You might enjoy reading a book called Your Life is Not a Label: A Guide to Living Fully with Autism and Asperger's Syndrome by Jerry Newport. Jerry is an adult with Asperger's. Take a look at it here: http://tinyurl.com/6ytzn8

In another book of Jerry's, he and his wife talk about making friends and dating: http://tinyurl.com/686f7b

I wish you well, Drew. You CAN make the changes you want to see in your life.

Sharon A. Mitchell, B.A., B.Ed., M.A.
www.autismsite.ca