Please note I am not a healthcare professional or a doctor.
I cannot provide a diagnosis or give any medical advice.
Therefore I cannot answer questions like "is my child autistic ?" other than by telling you to go and see a specialist ================================================================
Please be aware that if you are in the US it will usually take at least 24 hours until I can answer your question, as I'm in Europe and don't have access to my email during the day.
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Please also be aware that I'm a person with autism. My answers may sometimes be very blunt and direct and I may tell you things you won't like to hear. Diplomacy is certainly not among my talents. I'm never being rude on purpose, and I always try not to hurt or offend people, but it has happened before and may happen again. It's NEVER on purpose. I just want to help.
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What I *can* do for you is gather information on any aspect of autism
and therapy of autism you're interested in and give you my personal oppinion about it (if you want to hear it) or, if it applies, tell you about my personal experience. I can answer all questions about what life is like for an autistic person.
In the past years I have also read a lot about autism and its comorbid conditions and related subjects (as I am experiencing symptoms of most of these or know others who do) , so I have accumulated a lot of layman knowledge in this area
(AD(H)D, Tourette's Syndrome, OCD, sleep disorders, allergies, sensory integration dysfunction, learning difficulties, left/right-brain, giftedness, Irlen Syndrome, prism glasses, executive dysfunction (aka. "inertia"), "special" diets).
Experience I am an adult diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome/High Functioning Autism and ADD.
Question QUESTION: my boyfriend has auitism.
when I talk to him on the phone, he never really has anything to say.
I have been friends with him since I was 8 or so.. I have always known he acted a little different than others. But I was always okay with it. but now that we are going out, its hard to communicate with him. he has trouble paying attention, and he won't hold my hand for a long period of time. He acts a bit younger than the other teens, he talks to himself, resites his favorite cartoons. he can't seem to have a regular conversation, he also gets really angry if something doesn't go acording to plan.
I was wondering if there is a way to help him, to like pay attention, and understand. does it ever get better for people with auitism as they get older? can they have healthy marriages? I want to help him anyway that I can.
ANSWER: Hi Alissa,
I also do have problems with initiating and keeping up conversations (and I'm not speaking much in general, never know what to say, and I consider my "natural state" as rather nonverbal, although I can technically speak fine)...but gladly most of my friends tend to be more talkactive than I am, and I'm a good listener, and I enjoy just listening to them talking about whatever they want to talk about. Situations just get awkward when the other person also doesn't have anything to say *lol*...if it doesn't bother *you* that he doesn't say much on the phone, it might well be that he feels quite comfortable with it, so there's probably no need to change that. If you want to make him talk, ask him questions (at least, that works for me). Ask him rather concrete questions, not open ones though (I at least find "open" (with this I mean questions that will allow a broad range of answers, and probably very complex answers at that, and answers that will require having to organize my thoughts to give an answer which is often difficult) questions harder to answer). I'll willingly answer questions I'm asked and I'm happy when people actually ask me things as it actually helps me to structure my thoughts.
I guess you can help him with making sure that things will happen as they are planned, and if they don't you could make sure to have an alternative plan ready at hand (like when you miss the train that you will know there's a bus going five minutes later, such little things that will make his world a little more predictable). If he doesn't want to hold your hand all the time that might be because he might have sensory issues. I have times when I do not like to be touched, even by someone who's close to me. That doesn't mean a thing (I still love the person and just can't handle touch right now).
Does it get better later ? Well, I guess it does (in a way). I'm not "less autistic" than I was in my teens, but it will eventually get easier to get by in the normal world as one gets older (also, because other adults usually don't act as cruelly as kids and teenagers often do - school was the worst time in my life...). Getting into university was like starting a completely new life ! I was accepted by my peers for the first time who didn't mind my quirks, and even made some friends. I guess, if he can, she should try to pursue a career in computer science (or some other science field) , and go to uni...meeting the "right" people is a big part of "getting better" (but he's met you, that sounds like a very good start!).
As for "autistic" marriages - they exist, and there are healthy marriages...like my mum and dad (dad doesn't have a diagnosis, but I guess any doctor would diagnose him as HFA or Asperger's if he went to see one). I also know at least one other married couple personally (someone from a supportgroup I went to), and have read about it many times online. So - as long as the partner is understanding and both are trying to make it work - it can and will work very well !
Hope that helps !
C.
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QUESTION: Thanks, that will help!
I also wanted to ask, if there are some parents who choose not to tell there kids they have auitism.
I am not sure my boyfriend knows he has it. but, I have never asked him, I don't know if he might be defensive or not?
Answer Hi Alissa,
well, yes, there are a some parents who choose not to tell their kids they have autism. They might think it would be "better" for their kids not to know that they have it (but then, just knowing you're different from everone you know but not why isn't exactly fun either when you're a teenager). Can you ask his parents if they told him ?
I'm not sure if he'll react defensively if you bring up the subject when he's not yet aware he's on the spectrum. I probably would have been glad to have an explanation for my "differentness", but everybody's different. You could probably get a good book about autism and just leave it in his room and see what happens (or simply read it when you're at his place, it might just get him interested).
