Expert: Trey McGowan - 11/6/2008

Question
I have a 3 year old. She is in preschool 3 hours a day two days a week. She has had social anxiety from the time she could walk, and I have been trying to work with her consistantly. She is usually very vocal with her immediate family. She is not that vocal with the preschoolers. Large crowds seem to scare her and she hides her face and cries for more than 30 minutes or more. She shows no interest in her class projects, and I have no help at all from the teachers in her class, even though I asked for their input and a daily comment on the "good the bad and the ugly" I have not recieved anything from these teachers. She does play with other children after she warms up to school, and she is excited about her science and music classes.I joined in on he Hallloween party durring her school and was shocked to observe that she was left out of the class picture because she was laying on the floor crying. I tried to be a fly on the wall but it hurt me to see my child excluded. Only 30 minutes in, she was fine, and interacting a little bit with a few other preschoolers. I took a picture of her with her class later that day. I am concerned about her "shy" behavior, she puts her hands in her mouth and doesn't speak that much to her peers. I need help to determine what my lovely daughter might possibly be dealing with on a physical or emotional level. Her "issues" with social anxiety is only around other people and children, but around us, her father, myself, and her 8 year old sister, she is just fine. Help me, and pleasse be honest. Thanks

Tiffany

Answer
Hi there, Tiffany!

I happened to pull this question out of the 'question pool', so I apologize that it did take quite a while for an answer. I rarely check it, but I try to answer things when I find them there.

You ask me to be honest. Well, I will be honest, here, and say that the best place you can go for help like this is not to ask a faceless person on the Internet, no matter whether that person is an Expert or not, and instead go directly to a doctor. A diagnosis is not gained through words on a screen, but through a more direct observation and talk/questionnaire from someone who is knowledgeable in such things. Thus, I say to you, if you are worried (and obviously you are since you say it in specific), hie thee to a doctor and speak with them face-to-face about what you have said here. Bring relevant information with you. Show your concern and ask about the possibility of a diagnosis.

However, also remember: autism is not one symptom, but a series of them. It is a much larger thing than 'social avoidance behavior' and 'shyness'. There is a lot more to it, and if she is not showing these things, it may very well be that you are simply dealing with a child who is what is called an 'introvert'. Not everyone is outgoing, loud, and playful. Some are simply better left to their own, and are happy and productive that way. Your child may indeed have 'social anxiety' and need to have some work with it, but autism is not simply 'social anxiety'. It is a developmental disorder that goes a lot deeper than that. A doctor can tell more.

I wish you the best! Questions, comments, feedback, follow-ups, can be sent directly here, hopefully without having to go through the question pool this time!