Expert: Paul Johnson - 12/16/2008

Question
QUESTION: Mr Johnson,
I have been seeking help regarding my suspicion of having Asperger's syndrome. I'm 27 and have been tremendously successful in my career life, but unfortunately my social and emotional life does not seem to have the same success rate. It has been through my struggle in finding answers to my consistent emotional failures that I have come across the literature on Asperger's. It has been two months since I have been reading about it and to tell you the honest truth it all sounds like home to me and my current partner who constantly struggles with my volatile anger/sadness outbursts and my reluctancy to spontaneity.
I really need some professional advice on this matter as I have visited psychologists and therapists since I have use of consciousness. I have taken whatever has been of use tome from the multiple therapies I have submitted myself to in a desperate cry for help. Nevertheless, some of my behaviors seem pretty irrational and seem to perpetuate.
I have been trying to contact someone who can diagnose me. But unfortunately I have found that late diagnosis is almost an impossibility. I do not want people to think that I'm making this up, I really truly need professional help... particularly because I'm driving my partner insane. He does not know what to do... and neither do I. many therapists have said that I suffer from an acute case of anxious depression. But I personally think it goes way beyond that... because in fact yes I'm anxious, but I do not always get depressed from it. I get depressed but I do not always get anxious about it. I normally end up responding to stressful situations in unusual forms. For instance, I have just signed some papers to move out to a gorgeous house with my partner. He did not as of yet have all the money to pay it, but I had a deadline in my mind that it had to be payed three days before. He changed the plan. we still got the house. But I was upset about the small shift in our plans. we agreed that there was not a problem. Then I was acting happy, and jolly and all of a sudden "bang"... one wrong comment and I went into a never ending verbal argument that almost took me to the extreme of breaking the lease and buying a ticket to get out of the country. All in the course of a few hours.
I'm getting really tired, physically, mentally and spiritually. I work in an educational industry, I was put into a management position this year. It turns out that although I have been able to keep my job... I do not have a good relationship with my colleagues. I find myself locked up in my office working on future initiatives that are tremendously hard for me to communicate. When I was a teacher I simply performed in front of my class. Because I'm a teacher, I could use my classroom as my personal stage, where I'm the center... I can go on about things that seem important to me, and because I'm a bit of a weirdo, well the students engage. But do not ask me to try to socialize in depth with anyone at work. I just don't.  But then it was easier, because I was not exposed to making choices that affected everyone else, because I didn't have to delegate and try to engage. Now, I do. and unfortunately I have only found rejection and isolation, although I'm probably one of the most qualified people in the place. people take me for an arrogant being and nobody wants to hear what I say... probably because I just do not say things in the way that I should (which is normally the case). I personally believe I'm not arrogant. I'm getting tired, I'm getting drained by these wild moods and my fatalistic attitude towards life. Please, help me find some help, help me find a way of proving whether or not this is Asperger's. I'm willing to undertake any therapy necessary to find my pathway to happiness. I do not want to live in doubt and fear anymore. Please help.

Kind regards.

ANSWER: Hey Catalina,

Thank you for your important and interesting question.

What is most apparent to me in your question is how you have been done a dis service by the professionals that has served you. I think you have been the recipient of poor information, if I can say so in my humble opinion. First there isn't such a thing as anxious depression. These are disctictly two different affective states. Now of course there is overlap but we can not think of combining these two diagnosis.

In Asperger's Syndrome, these two feeling are common. In fact they are very common to people on the spectrum. I have felt these for a good part of my life but never together. The symptoms that you express does sound like AS but I certainly would not be able to diagnose you over the internet.

Discover the Autism society of your state and find out how to contact them and get a diagnosis from there Psychologist or clinician.

The rest of your question was honestly too involved for me to understand so I apologize for not addressing that.

Please contact me again if you have any forwarding questions.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ok, here is a real couple of questions: a) how much does the thinking pattern of a person with Asperger's come in vivid images? b) Do children with Asperger's syndrome suffer from delirious nightmares at a very early age? c)If the nightmares continue thorughout adulthood, how can they be reversed?
Cheers!

Answer
The thinking patterns of individuals living with Asperger's come to us in vivid images because that is our perception of our thoughts. We are "ideas" people and that is what moves us. Our thoughts are not more vivid but it seems that way because it is the thing that is exciting to us. There is not anything in the litrature anywhere that I have uncovered that we suffer from delirious nightmares at any age.