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Question
My 16 year old daughter fixates on older teenage girls. I believe this is because my older son's friends accepted her and took her under their wing and gave her the attention and acceptance she craved. Kids in her peer group do not accept her and treat her like a weirdo. She is very high functioning and wants to be social and have friends, but of course, social skills are a wash. Her behavior interferes with development of friends her own age. How can a fixation such as this be handled? Should we try to extinguish this fixation or is there a way to work with it? Please advise. Thanks.
Hi Jenny,
I am not totally sure why this is a problem. Are you concerned she will get into trouble, like sex or drugs, because of her older friends?
Generally, teenagers are somewhat oppositional/defiant when it comes to friends. An autistic child is likely to be more so. I think that trying to extinguish this preference is only going to make her more determined to continue.
One other thing to consider is that the older teens have more maturity and are probably more able to accept your daughter. That is not always a bad thing. She will be seeing more mature behavior and is likely to emulate it. Since immaturity is a major problem for many on spectrum, this may be a good thing in disguise.
Of course, you are much more familiar with the situation. My suggestion is that you discuss your fears with her. Listen to her side. Then be watchful, but silent, on the matter. As long as she is being treated with respect, it does not matter how old her friends are.
Best wishes,
Catherine
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Answers by Expert:
Catherine Ridenour
Expertise
I can answer your questions about parenting your High Functioning Autisic or Asperger`s Syndrome child. In particular, questions about family life, discipline, siblings, finding resources, and working with (sometimes opposing) the educational system are welcome.
Experience
I am the parent of an Asperger's Syndrome child who is now 22 years old. She went undiagnosed for 14 years of her life, so I have done extensive reading and Internet research into the possible cause of her difficulties. Even a short 8 years ago, A.S. was practically unheard of by the public educational system.
We fumbled our way through her childhood and early adolescence without any effective outside support. In some ways, that may have been a blessing as we were focused on her abilities rather than a label for her disability. However, I can think of many times when knowing WHY would have been comforting.
Had we known very early on, some social skills interventions might have made her life in school easier. At this point, I like her for who she is so I do not regret how things have turned out. More importantly, she likes herself.
Education/Credentials
I have a Bachelor of Science in Education.
I have worked to educate myself about Autism in general and HFA/AS in particular.
NOTE:
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