Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 4/1/2008

Question
HI MY NAME IS MELIHA AND I HAVE A 5-YR OLD SON DINO WHO WAS DG. AS A HIGH-FUNCTIONING LAST YR. FOR YRS WE HAVE THOUGHT THAT LACK OF SPEECH WAS DUE TO 2 LANGUAGES( WE ARE ORIGINALY FROM BOSNIA) BUT AFTER I SEARCHED NET FOR SPEACH PROBLEMS AND GOT ON ONE OF SITES WHERE I READ SIGNS FOR AUTISM I HAD HIM EVAL. AND DG. WAS CONFIRMED.
WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE, NO FAMILY SUPPORT AND DUE TO NO STRAIGHT ANSWERS( I FELT OVERWHELMED, NOBODY COULD TELL ME WHY AND WHAT SHOULD I DO, NO MEDICINE OR ANY KIND A THERAPY THAT WAS CONFIRMED AS A RIGHT THING TO DO AND WILL WORK) WE HAVE MOVED BACK TO BOSNIA. I KNEW THEY ARE JUST GETTING KNOWLEDGE ABOUT AUTISM AND I MIGHT NOT HAVE PROFFESSIONAL HELP AS IN STATES BUT I WAS COUNTING ON FAM. SUPPORT THAT MIGHT HELP, OR JUST TRY.WE HAVE LIVED HERE FOR 8 MONTHS NOW, DINO HAS STARTED A PRESCHOOL 1/2 DAY PROGRAM AND WE THAT AND HELP OF MY PARENTS-PLAYING, WALKS..ETC DINO HAS DEFINITELY PROGRESSED A LOT. HE FINNALY STARTED USING SOME WORDS IN SIMPLE SENTENCES IN BOSNIAN,HE IS MAKING A GREAT EYE CONTACT EVEN THOUGH SOMETIMES HE GETS LOST IN OBSERVING A BLOCK OR A MAGNET-LETTER HE HAD PUT ON THE CORNER OF THE SHELF AND HE WOULD DO IT FOR OURS IF DON;T TRY TO GET HIS ATTENTION. IN PRESCHOOL, HE STILL SOMETIMES ISOLATE HIMSELF AND PLAYS ALONE BUT PARTICIPATES MORE AND MORE AND SOME DAYS DOING SOME GREAT THINGS.WE ARE WORKING WITH SPEECH THERAPIST ONE DAY WEEK AND PLANNING TO UP FOR MORE AND I AM STILL TRYING TO FIND SOME MORE PROFESSIONAL HELP. MY MAYOR ED AS PARENT IS THROUGH SITES AND FORUMS LIKE THIS WHICH I AM THANKFUL ENORMOUSLY AS MY ONLY PROF.HELP AND PLACE WHERE I CAN GET IN TOUCH WITH OTHERS.MY MAIN CONCERN IS-SINCE WE ARE HERE WE ARE DOING A LOT OF WALKING TO PRESCHOOL AND BACK AND DINO IS VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT GOING CERTAIN WAYS AND IN TRYING TO NAVIGATE OR STOP HIM, SINCE HE IS VERY SENSITIVE ON HOLDING HIS HAND,HE WANTS TO WALK ALONE-ALMOST LIKE HE DESPISE IT AS BEING MORE MATURE AND FEELING LIKE HE CAN DO IT,BUT I AM AFRAID OF HIM GETTING OCCUPIED AND RUNNING-OUT ON THE STREET AND GETTING HIT BY A CAR.I AM BY HIS SIDE AND KEEP MY EYE ON HIM BUT HE IS VERY FAST AND I GET OVERWHELMED. SO ANY TRY TO GO HOME USING DIFFERENT STREET OR HOLDING HIS HAND GETS AWFUL. HE GETS VERY ANGRY AND ACTS LIKE A 2YR-OLD BY LAYING ON THE ROAD,SCREAMS AND BITES AND MAKING A HUGE SCENE. MY ONLY ALTERNATIVE IS A TAXI BUT IT ADS-UP...I AM NOT SURE WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO CONTROL HIM?
HE ALSO STARTED BEING VERY PICKY WITH HIS FOODS SINCE WE ARRIVED.IT WAS NOT A PROBLEM FOR A FEW MONTHS SO I DONT THINK IS BECAUSE OF A CHANGE. ALMOST LIKE HE FEELS LIKE HE SHOULD BE IN CONTROL OF THAT TOO.I JUST NOT SURE WHAT TO DO? THIS IS OUT IN PUBLIC I CANNOT EVEN CARRY HIM ANYMORE HE IS A BIG BOY? ANY ADVISE? AND MY LAST THING IS IS THERE ANY KNOWLEDGE THAT THESE KIDS CANNOT SMELL. I 'VE ALWAYS NOTICED HE DOES NOT MIND BAD SMELLS! BUT COULD NEVER FIND ANYTHING ABOUT IT.SORRY, THIS GOT THIS LONG...THANKS

Answer
Hi Meliha,

The need to control things is very common in autistic children.

When it comes to food, do not give in to his preferences too much. Put good food on the table. Everyone should eat and not pay too much attention to what he eats. When the meal is over, put the food away. If he says he is hungry between meals, offer him a healthy fruit. If he refuses, say "the next meal is at five o'clock." He will eat when he is hungry enough.

If you start letting him decide what you should feed him, he will develop a very limited, and probably unhealthy, diet.

Most autistic children are rigid about things. Walking the same way is the only thing that feels right to him. It is very difficult to get them to accept change.

Tantrums are also common when their routine is disrupted. It is my opinion that you should just let him scream for a while. Don't try to pick him up or talk him out of it. If he is not in danger of being run over, just move away a bit and wait. When he gets tired of it, suggest that you continue on your way to school. What gets attention is reinforced.

One way to start to introduce change is in very small ways. Walk on the other side of the road or go around a tree on the other side. Many high functioning kids love maps and charts. See if you can engage him in a game of planning his route on the map. Get a compass so he can learn about directions.

Some autistic people have a terrible time navigating and get lost easily. He may be afraid of getting lost.

His brain is wired differently. He may see, hear and smell things differently than we do. Also, some autistics have synesthesia, which means that the senses overlap. Sounds can have color, smells can have sounds, etc. Since this happens from birth, he does not know it is not the way everyone experiences the world. When he is older, you can ask him about it. My daughter did not tell me until she was 17 years old.

Since he is high functioning, you can expect him to progress. His emotional age will be behind by about 3 years. This is also very common. But, he will gain maturity as he grows. By the time he is a young adult, he will function fairly well on the emotional scale.

He needs to be taught to recognize the feelings that lead up to a tantrum. His emotions don't get his attention until they overwhelm him. Talk about how getting angry feels, tight fists, stomach ache, red face. Teach him ways to calm down before he blows up. Some people use deep breathing, others count to ten.

Keep working with the speech therapist. If occupational therapy is available, seek it out. They can help him with the issues of food, travel and social interaction.

Best wishes,
Catherine