Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 4/2/2008

Question
My son is 13 and has been diagnosed with Aspergers, ADHD, and Mood Disorders. He is in a BOCES 8:1:1 program and has a basic IEP. The school had him arrested twice in the last month. One for hitting a teacher that was trying to "bring" him to time-out after he tore some papers off the the hall walls and was disruptive and the second time for punching a hole in the wall after another student hit him in the head with a ball 10 times that nobody saw.  He is so smart and they say he is in the right environment but also say it was his choice to do those things. Is he in the right place and are they right to have him arrested? I don't think so on either and I am at a loss.

Answer
Hi Juli,

I am not sure what BOCES 8:1:1 means. So, I will make general comments on 13 y.o. Asperger's boys and discipline.

Smart kids with A.S. have a very rigid sense of right and wrong. Consequences that are not logical don't work very well. I do believe parents should make it clear that legal consequences, like getting arrested, can and will happen if someone is injured or he steals something. (Let's just save that for an incident that is worth a reaction that intense. The school is diluting the usefulness of legal action by using it for small infractions.)

The teacher your son hit should not have had his hands on him. I suspect your son felt he was defending himself. Tearing papers off the wall should have a consequence like picking them up and apologizing to the person whose poster he ruined, not being dragged down the hallway to time out. (Hitting the teacher is assault, but touching a student with emotional issues provokes such reactions. Teachers should be trained to know that, unless someone is in immediate danger of injury, it's hands off the kids.)

If he was assaulted with a ball by another student, I would want to know what the consequence was for that person! I would also advise them that he should be complemented for choosing the wall instead of the kid's face. It is wrong to assume that he is lying simple because he's the one with the IEP. The school should be providing better supervision. A boy who was not on an IEP might get in-school detention for a similar incident.

Again, he should have been required to help the custodian patch and repaint the wall. That is logical, even educational, and far less drastic.

Hormones are an issue, here. He is well into the time when the testosterone is surging through his veins. His emotional immaturity makes this extra hard for him. He is likely to become enraged before he even knows he's annoyed. It is important to help him learn the warning signs of an angry outburst. Talk about the clenched fists, tight jaw, churning stomach feelings that would tell him he is angry. Then, teach him a coping technique like, turn and walk away, count to ten, saying out loud, "I am feeling angry, I need to calm down." His IEP should include a room where he can go for "safe haven." It is sort of a self-imposed time out when he is overwhelmed.

It is very appropriate to place him in classes he is intellectually qualified to take. Keeping him with less able students cheats him out of the level of learning he deserves. However, his teachers need to know about Asperger's Syndrome and how it affects learning. If they are not attending IEP meetings, they should be.

If you cannot get the school to lighten up on the discipline and use more appropriate means, you may have to contact your state board of education for assistance.

I hope this has been helpful. I encourage you to read more about education and A.S. Here are some web links and a suggested book:

http://www.neurodiversity.com/main.html (many links to books, articles and resources)

http://www.patientcenters.com/autism/news/resources.html (books and resources)

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/asperger/asperger.htm (the definitions and
government links)

http://www.autism.org/ (many links to information)

http://www.autism.org/temple/meds.html (about medication)

Developing Talents: Careers for Individuals with Asperger Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism by Temple Grandin, Kate Duffy, and Tony Attwood


It is not too early to be considering how he wants to make his living. Most A.S. kids have a passion about something and it makes for the best career direction because they will focus great attention on it.

Best wishes,
Catherine