Expert: Ettina - 8/9/2008

Question
Hello, my son is 9 weeks old now and he is displaying some early signs of autism that have me worried.  It is difficult to make eye contact with him.  He does not turn to look when spoken to.  He is not smiling at people yet.  He has a lot of gas and will smile at that, but not when spoken to.  He does not yet "talk".  He makes mostly grunting noises but no babble.  He does not seem interested in "playing".  He does not care about toys.  He does watch the mobile on his swing and loves to look at the ceiling fan...more so than looking at me.  When he is laying in his crib, if I walk up and speak to him he seems oblivious that I am even standing there.  Should I worry? His pediatrician does not seem concerned yet, but she seems to think that I over exaggerate and will try to contradict what I am saying at the visit.  For example, I told her that he is not smiling yet and her response was, what? he just did!!  To me he clearly was not smiling.  Should I seek another pediatrician?  Or am I overly paranoid and just need to relax?

Answer
He might be autistic - certainly, those are common early signs reported by parents of autistic kids - but it's way too early to tell now. Autism can't really be diagnosed until he's about 18 months or older.
If you aren't happy with your pediatrician, I do think you should look for another.
Remember that you are an expert on your son. Moreover, you are his advocate - regardless of whether he is autistic or not. Listen to other experts, such as the pediatrician, and check if what they say fits what you know about your son. If not, find a different expert.
Some experts you meet will probably give you dire threats about what will happen to your boy (especially if, as you suspect, he is autistic) if you don't do as they say. If that doesn't jibe with your knowledge of him, don't believe them. My teachers told my father I was defiant and so on and would be in juvenile detention (kid version of jail) by 14 years old if I wasn't given Ritalin right away - I've never had Ritalin, I'm 19 years old, and I've never been arrested nor done any worth being arrested! My father knew that I was not defiant at home - if I refused to do something, all he had to do was tell me logically why it needed to be done and I'd do it.
Lastly, love your son as he is, and remember - you can influence him, but you can't fundamentally change him. If he is autistic, you can't cure it - you can just help him live well as an autistic person. Just like if he is not highly musically talented, no amount of training will make him so, but musical training will improve his musical abilities nonetheless.