Expert: James Michael Roan - 8/31/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi James, not really sure where to start with this question - a brief synopsis to date: My son who will be 4 next week has had problems with aggression towards other children from around age 2 and also towards his father and myself at times of frustration - this has subsided somewhat, he has also had an intense interest in lightbulbs and all things to do with lights since this age which has developed into an interest in general in how electricity works, pylons, switches, lightning etc. He has many other interests not least Thomas and all things train like. I started him in a nursery class last year age 2/3 (we are in the Uk) and it was initially ok - but then all hell broke loose, hitting and throwing and having difficulty staying in group settings etc much of which i put down to age/developmental stages however i suspected the problems were more than this and suspected AS. I had an initial meeting with a child psychologist privatley who suggetsed that he did not present as a typical 3 year old and that further investigation should take place without delay. After a short period i removed him from the nursery scenario as it was distressing him and me and he said he missed me too much and that was why he was hitting. I then found a montessori teacher who works with small groups and she has done wonders for him by slowly introducing him to the group and working on concentration, task focus and working with others - to the point i can leave him for the full 2 1/2 hour session without panicking and waiting for the phone to ring and he loves his teacher and has made some friends. This year is pre-school year so i thought since he has made such progress i would enrol him for a few mornings at our zoned school to allow him to make the transition to a larger school in preparation for p1 - meanwhile i have spoken about my concerns with the school, the educational psychologist and am on the waiting list for a formal assessment. he was looking forward to big boy school and we built it up for him and he was fine for the first few days, but last week he seems to have "relapsed" after telling me it was boring (he is very advanced intellectually), it was too hot and noisy and he had a few arguments. The teacher then told me he had indeed hit another child with a toy, was struggling with sharing and had put his hands round another childs neck (he does extreme bear hugging) all of which i know are responses to uncomfortable environment and anxiety. I feel we have gone back a year and are unravelling all the good work from montessori, he has had several toilet accidents since then and his behaviour at home has deterioated - tantrums, hitting etc I spoke with the teacher and mentioned about the hot noisy environment (30 kids, 3 teachers, small room) and said that it was normally possible to see his agitation etc and perhaps redirect or let him go somewhere quiet - she said they did, by giving him a time out! i have suggested that perhaps the environment is just not right for him and perhaps never will be - but that he has shown he is able to cope in a different more nurturing one, they say it is too soon to give up and we should wait and see. So after all that i guess my question is - do i persevere and risk the progress we have made, or revert to montessori where he was doing great and bypassing developmental milestones and see what happens. I also have a meeting with a smaller, rural school with a low pupil ratio and composite age classes, he does very well with older more able children for next year - i can find no information on what is the best scenario for kids with AS as far as schooling is concerned and i don't think a special needs school would be appropriate for him. Any insight or advice would be much appreciated as i am at my wits end trying to forward plan when we have no actual diagnosis on which to get treatment/assistance and are unaware how he will develop over time. My gut feeling says why keep trying to put a square (wonderful) peg in a round hole just because thats the "norm". Kind regards, Sharon

ANSWER: Hi Sharon;

I will, for the purpose of answering your questions, assume he has AS. Children with AS cannot tolerate, nor will they ever be able to tolerate, high density populated environments like the one he is in. Less people and more space is better. If you keep him in in there, I can guarantee the behavior WILL become more extreme and he will, most likely, develop obsessive-compulsive behaviors in response to social anxiety.

A mother is always right about their child! He is a wonderful "square peg," and he will eventually find ways to cope and if you are "listening" to his behavior and respond appropriately, he will be fine and do wonderful things in this world.

Make sure he gets a full evaluation beyond just a diagnosis; one that highlights areas of challenge and brilliance as well.

Kind regards,
James

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi James, not to bombard you with other questions - but one problem that my son seems to be having is that he takes the normal bumps and jostles of other people very personally and this seems to make him lash out - do you know of any goo exercises or publications about such that would help with spatial awareness and unexpected physical touch? again much appreciated, kind regards Sharon

Answer
Hi Sharon;

I'm sure as the months go by you'll have a million questions. Actually, this is a very common attribute of children with AS. They are very concrete/literal thinkers and "always" attribute accidental touch/bumping as intentional and lash out in response because they also tend to be very justice oriented as well. The problem is common in the younger years and they somehow learn to cope when they become 8-9 years of age.

Other than myself (!), Tony Attwood is the only person out there you should listen to. He's been doing this a long time and knows his stuff. His web page is: http://www.tonyattwood.com.au/

I have never found a good intervention for this behavior, so let me know if you do.

Kind regards,
James