Expert: Ettina - 8/11/2008

Question
Over the last few days my 10 year old son has started wearing his sister's dressing up wig and dresses.

The wig wearing started a while ago after a trip to Dad's when his Dad shaved off the remains of his once lovely shoulder length curly hair following a scissor snipping frenzy. Since that time my son has regularly asked "hair will grow?" and "hair will come in the post?"

The dress wearing began about a week ago when he put on both the wig and my daughter's princess dress and spent many a time looking at himself in the mirror and taking pictures of himself with my phone. The other night I went upstarirs to find him in an old dress of mine and sine then I have had increasing trouble trying to get him to wear his own clothes out of the house. During a trip to his dad's on the weekend he either wore a dressing gown or a black sequined camisole top and again started to show resistance to changing into his own clothes. On his return home, he ran upstairs and changed back into the dress.

Knowing him as I do, I can see this developing into a new phase. While I have always been happy for him to be himself and to express himself, I am concerned about how to manage this one so would appreciate some advice on how to deal with it and would also be grateful to hear from anyone else who has experienced this with their own Autistic child.

I have thought about using social stories with him, but with him having limited language and often erratic understanding, I am unsure how much he will be able to take on board.

Answer
I haven't heard of this specific kind of behavior with other autistics.
The fact that he got upset after losing his hair suggests part of this may be resistence to change. However, this wouldn't explain starting to wear dresses.
He might be trying to imitate you or his sister. Although lack of imitation is more common, obsessive imitation can also occur with autistic children.
There is nothing wrong with a boy wearing a wig and a dress, but due to sexism, boys who do that are often prejudiced against. In an ideal world, it would be no problem, but in our imperfect society, you have to decide if it's easier to get your son to accomodate society or get society to accomodate him on things like this.
A compromise may be possible, such as him wearing a long shirt or a kilt (Scottish men's outfit that resembles a skirt), which don't look as odd. You could also determine certain places and times he can dress the way he wants.
Social stories might help. Don't assume he understands it, just show it to him and see if it helps.