Expert: James Michael Roan - 9/27/2008

Question
QUESTION: At what age should a child start playing with other children?  When do they move from parallel play into cooperative play?  My son just turned 3 and he is just starting to emerge in that area and I was told that by 3 1/2 they should be fully engaged.  I am worried that my son has Aspergers.  He talks non stop to adults but talks very little to other children.  He has a little OCD - in that when he is w/ a large group of children he gets overwhelmed and opens and closses doors, cabinets etc.  When do I need to be concerned about social interactions?

Thanks!

ANSWER: Hi Missy;

Please remember, I cannot diagnose over the internet. It's hard to tell at this age if your son has social anxiety or Asperger's syndrome. I would expect your son to be having age appropriate interactive play at this age UNLESS he had a speech/articulation delay. If he has social anxiety or a generally shy/timid personality, he may show stilted interactive play.

I just sent this email to a mom of a 4 year old boy, and let me know how your son's behavior stands against this description:

1. Boys with Asperger's syndrome (AS) prefer adult interactions over their peers. They appear interested in peers, but do not know how to join in group play. At birthday parties, they may watch others, but play in parallel behind the safety of a couch. They may even say they had a good time at the party.

2. Often their communication profile is reversed compared to typical development. They often have expressive language skills ahead or more developed than their receptive language skills. Related to this they are sometimes hyperlexic, reading and speaking well in advance of peers, but not comprehending what is said to them compared to typical development. Pragmatic or social language is often delayed: Pronoun or gender confusion/reversal; refer to self by name instead of "I;" Speak loudly; talk excessively about own area of interest but not converse in a truly reciprocal manner.

3. In a group setting with peers in unstructured settings they are observed to play according to their own agenda, play with others as long the others follow their lead, if not, they will continue on their own agenda. I describe these boys as "all business." Their play with peers is work oriented and not socially oriented. Eye contact generally low and of poor quality

4. They frequently have exceptional memory.

5. Sensory issues include aversion to hoovers, avoidance of haircuts, and extremely limited diet based on food textures, hating to mix soft and crisp foods. Hate certain clothing especially tags in shirts.

6. Frequently there is a dysfluent gait or other motor skills (clumsiness).

7. A usually, but not always, a concrete or literal cognitive style the perseveres beyond where an abstract mind set should be developing. This reflects itself as a need for sameness, difficulty with change and or transitions and taking things literally. Also expecting parents and peers to adhere to "rules" not understanding the "situationality" of things.


There you have it. This list is general and not exhaustive. In my experience, parents get overly worried or distressed at this point unnecessarily. Children with AS have many wonderful positives. They are loving, loyal, devoted, successful in business, honest and just. They love others but don't know how to maintain friendships and relationships.

I hope this helps.

Kind regards,
Jim

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thankas for your response.

1, yes, he talks to adults more then kids but he is an only child.  He wants to play with others but is shy and doesn't.  He is always one step behind the kids in soccer class or t-ball.  

2,He talks all of the time about a variety of thigns.  Not just one topic.

3.  In unstructured time he plays by himself - most of the kids in his class are still in paralell play.

3.  Recently he has said that things are too loud.  That is a new behavior for him.  Trains going by - construction sites etc.  No other sensory issues wuth clothing - some food issues - but nothing significant.

4.  Yes he has a great memory.

5.  No difficulty with gait

6, likes sameness - but don't all 3 year olds.  No tantrusm out of the ordinary and has no problem w/ transitions.

Our biggest concern is at what point should they be solidly in cooperative play?  When does it emerge?  I have read opposing thoughts on that issue.

Thanks!

Answer
Hi Missy;

At this age there is a VERY wide window of what is considered "normal" or average in all areas of development. Some people are naturally and normally more social than others. I would expect some more interest in other children, but if it is not there yet don't force it. OCD behaviors are sure indicators of anxiety. Encourage opportunities for social interaction by setting up play dates with peers he likes most. He will play with others when he has the requisite social thinking and social communication skills. All children unfold at different rates in different ways. If these behaviors continue through to age 4 and 5, you may want to revisit the situation.

Kind regards,
James