Expert: Trey McGowan - 9/30/2008

Question
My son is 8 now and since he began school his teachers have all told me that he has a hard time staying on task and he would daydream often. He is academically where he should be for his level, but I am now starting to see that the in class work is starting to suffer now that he is completing assignments independently - he rarely will finish the simplest assignment.  My sons has told me that the important stuff that he's supposed to be thinking about gets wiped off and other things go in his mind instead.  He said that most of the time he can go back to the important things, but sometimes he can't.  There is so much information about so many behavioral and learning disorders that I have no idea where to start - My husband thinks that this is something he can control and that he is being lazy - I don't believe that he is choosing this at all.  All of the child psychologists remotely near us aren't taking new patients.Where do I start? - this is so overwhelming...  (many tears)

Answer
Hi there, Sandra!

You ask me, 'where do I start?'. Unfortunately, my answer to that would generally be to 'start with the experts'. If the local child psychologists in your area are not taking new patients, my best suggestion would be to start asking them if there is someone who *is*. Work on the ones near, who you feel comfortable with, and start moving outwards. Lean on them; make sure they understand that there is a problem that you need to have identified and dealt with, and that you need expert help with it.

However, when I say 'lean on them', that's not a suggestion to turn into rabid frothing mother. Remember that most of these doctors are doing the best they can on a lot of different children and different issues. Even while you're being firm with your needs, try to keep in mind that they are people, too. It will, in the long run, make them much more sympathetic to you, and more willing to go the extra distance to help you where they can.

As for the information that is out there, the hardest part about it is that you don't have a diagnosis to go along with the information. You could stumble through for a long while, coming across more and more names, titles, and diagnoses, and never have the one that will help. Is he ADD? ADHD? ASD? Depressed? Bullied? Or maybe it's something that has no relation to any of them. Overwhelming yourself with too much information can be just as bad as going into things unprepared. Instead of trying to find all the 'what it is', try and identify the symptoms themselves and work with them in specific. As tempting as it might be to run for the books to identify what your son has, it is far better to let an expert do the major diagnoses, and you yourself work more specifically with the symptoms, such as they are. Use the online information for ideas on how to deal with them, but try not to make a solid diagnosis on your own. Particularly if it's one that can be as shaky as developmental disorders.

I wish you the best of luck in finding that much-needed expert, and in the work that needs to be done with your son! Feedback, follow-ups, questions, comments, and the like can be directed here!

Trey