Expert: Trey McGowan - 1/17/2009

Question
Hi,

My name is Audrey and I have an 11-year old son recently diagnosed with Aspergers.  He is completely fixated on the Chicago Cubs (has been for years).  He has now entered middle school and it is becoming a big problem.  For example, he wears a Cubs shirt daily.  I have finally managed to get him to wear DIFFERENT Cubs shirts, but that has taken a lot of time and stress.  He becomes very anxious if forced to wear something else (but he will comply).  Should I force him to expand his wardrobe?  Am I "allowing his flamboyancy" (as his therapist says) by not putting my foot down?  Am I being over-indulgent?  I don't want to be!  I just can't seem to find the line between allowing him to be himself and forcing him to blend in with society.

Any advice is truly appreciated.

Thanks,
Audrey

Answer
Hi there, Audrey!

As I have said in the past, I am not a doctor. Nor am I a therapist. Therefore, I am going to state for the record that my suggestions here come from a *completely* inexpert POV, and may not be in the least bit correct.

For me, the biggest question about 'Am I being overindulgent?' comes down to 'Are you giving in to everything that your child wants?' Being able to indulge certain things in a child's life is not what I would call 'overindulgent'. It is also a matter of doing it to the point where the child is being harmed. Not necessarily neglectfully, but in taking away the child's realization that everything doesn't come just because he kicks and screams. Also, I have to wonder what the definition of 'flamboyancy' is. If just wearing a Cub's shirt is flamboyant, I hate to think what your therapist would think of the die-hard fans who go with shirt, hat, shoes, and never miss a game day. :)

Obviously, your child is not going to *always* be able to wear his Cub's shirt. There's going to be events where he'll need to wear something else, there'll be times that his shirts are in the wash, et cetera. So maybe a good suggestion would be to get him used to a routine of wearing clothing. Let him wear his Cub's shirt on certain days, or at certain times. Or at least expand his wardrobe to certain Cub's shirts on certain days, so he can keep the comfort of regular patterns without having to give up his fixation for his team. On the days that he has to wear something different, using the promise that if he can wear his clothing until the end of whatever-it-is and then put on the shirt, or maybe a different sort of reward, can help ease him into the stress of it. And by making sure that he *does* wear clothing that isn't his Cub's shirt occasionally, you'll hopefully be able to adapt him to the times that he *can't* wear it.

Hopefully that helps give a few suggestions for you in keeping your little cubbies fan happy and your own sanity healthy. Any questions, comments, feedback, follow-ups, are more than welcome!

Trey