Expert: Trey McGowan - 1/12/2009

Question
A friend's son is 24 months old. He doesn't ever seem to smile and rarely speaks. Seems distant and perplexed and emotionally aloof. If you look at him and smile he will look blankly back. Another friend and I are convinced something may be wrong, possible aspergers or autism. I've read that early diagnosis can be hugely beneficial to a child, but have no idea how to raise this with his mother or father. They have mentioned that he hadn't really started talking yet, but as far as I am aware have taken it no further. Should I butt out, or speak up if it might help in some way.  Thank you

Answer
Hi there, Kit!

I think that the best way you can raise the issue with the parents, in your case, is to do it just as you would do it with any other issues that you felt your friends should know: bring it to them as a concerned friend. Maybe bring up the problems with them, and suggest something about 'Well, I read here...' or 'I know this person...' and see what sort of feelings it gets from the parents.

Now, I will warn in advance that, while it's by no means universal, denial can definitely happen. Some parents may well find it threatening to them that there could be something lifelong wrong with their child, even if the concern turns out to be unfounded. Essentially, they would rather not know, and assume that by not knowing, it's something they don't need to deal with. Or that they can pretend it's not there. In cases like this, you may find that they will get confrontational to what is brought up. And in that case, the only thing you may be able to do is step back and let what you have said lay.

However, no matter how problematic something like this could be, the longer something stays unsaid, the longer it gets to go. Therefore, if there is genuine concern, I do indeed suggest that you bring it up, as a friend and a concerned individual for them and their family. It would even be best if you could have the name of someone on-hand (although don't give it immediately; that may be seen as too pushy) for if the conversation goes well, and they ask 'Well what can we do?'

Hopefully that wasn't too confusing to get around. :) If you need more suggestions, more clearing-up, or just the usual feedback, follow-ups, comments, questions, then feel free to send it my way.

Trey