Expert: Jene Aviram - 10/30/2009

Question
Hello, my boyfriend has a 3 year old little girl who I believe has a learning disability or a form of autism. She doesn't ever understand simple directions like asking her to go get her shoes and put them on or throwing away a piece of trash. She has a rough time saying sentences which I figured was just her being 3 but I have never seen a 3 year old like her before. I have a 4 year old so I try not to compare her to him because i know all kids are different. She also will just say "uh huh" to everything you ask her even if it doesnt make sense. She likes to repeat things over and over and she always has this blank look in her eyes. When she is washing her hands she doesnt utilize her hands the way anyone else would like putting her hands under the water to rinse them or only putting soap on one hand. These things seem like normal kid things but there's something about the way i feel so uneasy and worried about her that made me want to look into it further. Thanks!

Answer
Hi Sara,

How wonderful that you have taken the time to write about your boyfriend's daughter.  Not being able to understand simple directions, repetitive speech and odd behavior are all typical of being on the autism spectrum.  In fact, very often parents are more confused about their child's behavior and can't quite put their finger on what's wrong.  One can't possibly diagnose over the Internet - it's very possible that she is just delayed but I do believe that this young girl should have a thorough evaluation as soon as possible.

If you were the mom I would tell you to make a list of all the behaviors that concern you, discuss it with the pediatrician and ask for a referral to a child psychologist or developmental pediatrician who specializes in child development and disorders such as autism, ADHD etc.  Obviously this is quite a different situation and you're sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place.  

It's great that you are so caring about your boyfriends daughter.  It's a difficult situation to be in because nobody wants to hear that something is wrong with their child.  I would be very careful in broaching this issue with your boyfriend as you don't want to crush him.  Also don't forget that people often hate the messenger, and I'm sure you want to keep your relationship on a beautiful note:-)

I suggest that you download this article called "How do you know if your child has autism?"  If it reminds you of your boyfriends daughter, I would give it on to him and say something like "Somebody gave me this article.  I couldn't help thinking of (her name)when I read it.  But you obviously know her best.  What do you think?"  And then let him take it from there.  You can find the article at http://www.nlconcepts.com/autism-howdoyouknow.htm

I wish you the best of luck

Jene Aviram
http://www.nlconcepts.coma