Expert: Trey McGowan - 12/19/2009

Question
Hello! I have two lovely little boys, both on the autism spectrum. My younger boy is 6, in 1st grade, and has Asperger's. He also is very highly gifted (capable of 5th and 6th grade work). One day, he told me that he is having a hard time finding friends who like to talk about the same things he does, and yesterday, he told me that he wants to be like the other kids (at school). We've always stressed that every person is different, and how wonderful it is to be unique. We've read a lot about acceptance and individuality: N. Carlson's, I Like Me; Todd Parr's, It's OK to be Different; etc.... I'm hoping you might be able to either offer some other suggestions, or point me in the direction of some books that might be helpful. I'm not ready yet to tell him he has Asperger's, but would like to continue proactively stressing that uniqueness is good and necessary. Thanks, Michelle

Answer
Hi there, Michelle!

Reading this, my very first thought goes out to one of my favorite authors, Dr. Temple Grandin. Note: she is an 'adult book writer', so these would be more for you than just him. :)

http://www.templegrandin.com/templegrandinbooks.html
A lot of her writings may be over the head of even a gifted child at this age, but you could certainly read it yourself and give some good summaries of what you find there. Essentially, she is a doctor, and she is a person with autism. She herself has pointed out that it is not that she became a doctor *despite* her autism, but that it gave her unique outlooks and views that she was able to employ to be able to become a doctor. I.E. her difference is what made her what she is today.

http://www.amazon.com/Different-Like-Me-Autism-Heroes/dp/1843108151
Here is a book that fits your son's developmental area (made for 8-12), about 'heroes who have autism'. Or at least very autism-like symptoms, in the case of historical individuals where diagnosis all has to be done second-hand. If you haven't added this one to your pile, I highly suggest it! After all, not only does it stress that it's good to be different, it even brings it home with the same difference that your own son has (or at least on the same spectrum).

http://www.allystoybox.com/2009/10/10-great-childrens-books-about-being-yourself...
Here is a list of 10 books about... well... just what the title says: being yourself.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Michael-Tony-Bradman/dp/0862647592
A book called 'Michael', about a young man, Michael, who is different from his peers.

A suggestion for finding other books like this is to check the 'similar items' or 'what people bought' tabs in Amazon or other bookstores. Most of them will have a selection of similar books to these, letting you get an idea of where to look for other stories.

Also, I do want to point out that you say 'It is OK to be different', and yet you also say 'you are not ready to tell him he's Asperger's'. Asperger's is not some horrible life-threatening diagnosis, but rather just a name that exlpains his difference. By villainizing the word 'Asperger's', you may be giving a double-standard here, that it's OK for him to be different, but that him being 'Asperger's' *isn't* OK.

Questions? Comments? Feedback? Follow-ups? Feel free to let me know!

Trey