Expert: Catherine Ridenour - 12/7/2009

Question
I am not sleeping and i am overwhelmed i get very little help and have a son without Autism who is older and requires alot of attention please help with any suggestions Im loosing it!

Answer
Hi June,

I hear the exhaustion in your message. I don't have much information to go on but here are my "Rules for Parents of Spectrum Children"

#1. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You cannot care for your children if you are depressed, over-stressed and exhausted. (Yeah, I know, it goes with the territory.) If you think you are suffering depression, go see your doctor! There are medications that make a world of difference. I know, I've been there.

#2. Work as a team. Your spouse/partner (grandparents too) needs to be on board with the special needs of the affected child. They are the best resource for giving attention to the unaffected child. Mom should get some personal time several times a week for a hot bath, a quiet nap, or a shopping trip. Don't feel guilty, you need it.

#3. Know your community resources. Your son is qualified for services through your local school district. He should be enrolled in a developmental pre-school program and speech/occupational therapy at no cost to you. These scheduled breaks make a world of difference for the mother as well as helping the child.

#4. Pick your battles. It's important that your children get dressed to leave the house. It is not important that they wear matching blue shirts. Offer choices with limits. "Do you want to wear your red shirt or your blue one?"

#5. Lighten up. Being a compulsive housekeeper and gourmet cook is not in your best interest. There is such a thing as "good enough."

#6. Learn some strategies. We were saved by the parenting skills taught through the "Love and Logic" program. You can find these materials at www.loveandlogic.com. It is a program centered on teaching children to make small choices and live with the consequences when the stakes are low. It takes parents out of the "dictator" and "rescuer" modes. It works well with high-functioning autistic children as well as "normal" kids.

#7. Find others like you. Make connections with the parents of other children of autistic children. Call the school and find out if there is a local support group. Start one yourself by publishing a notice in the paper and meeting at the local library. There is power in knowing you are not alone.


I would love to share more ideas with you about specific problems. Write back with more information and I can offer more support.

Best wishes,
Catherine