Expert: Trey McGowan - 2/12/2009

Question
My husband was recently diagnosed with Aspergers and it was a relief for both of us because it answers so many questions about him.
My question is how can I better communicate with him? My mind tends to jump around and talking with him is very difficult because he gets very very annoyed with me. He often goes into long winded rants and I feel like I can't ever get a word in. He also hates it if I change the subject.
Any tips you could provide will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!

Answer
Hi there, Ashley!

First off, let me congratulate you both on finding your questions answered. I hope that it will help with understanding one another and himself in the months and years (and however long) to come.

My first suggestion is for you two to talk to the one who diagnosed him and ask if there is help around for individuals such as him. There are mental health and medical individuals who specialize in the developmental disorders, and may be able to give some suggestions and help with the communication between the two of you. While I can (and will, no worries!) give a few suggestions, it is something that should be worked on in both directions, to hopefully come up with some hints for both of you, rather than just me giving some long-distance suggestions.

As for the aforementioned suggestions, one of the first things I will suggest with communication is that the pair of you need to learn some cues, so to speak. For one thing, he needs to be able to tell you that your jumping around is confusing him. Often, the autistic mind can be a very linear thing, as well as very focused. The sudden jumps in conversation annoys him because it makes him lose that train of thought, and he may not be able to pick it back up, no matter how important it may have been (or seemed to be) at the time. Things are in a very strict, very linear way, so when that 'line' is broken, it can be very frustrating. Maybe to learn to interrupt, you can give a simple gesture that lets him know he's rambling on, and that he should get to the point. That way, it's not necessarily a verbal interruption, and it may help him not get so quickly distracted and frustrated, while still being able to inform him that he's rambling; a situation that he may not realize he's doing.

Hopefully that will help at least get the basics down. If there's something more specific you want or need addressed, feel free to ask! I'm available. :) Feedback, follow-ups, questions, comments, and whatever have you are welcome as well.

Trey