Expert: Jene Aviram - 2/5/2009

Question
Hi,
I'm concerned about my nephew but I don't want to express my concerns to my SIL unless there's reason.  My nephew has some behaviors that don't seem right.  I can't help comparing him to my own children and it has me concerned.  He is 2 years old but doesn't talk.  He never looks at me in the eye. I tried mentioning that to my SIL but she thought his eye contact is fine.  Also, he spends hours playing with one toy.  But he doesn't really play with it.  He sort of bangs it then runs to the other side of the room, and then bangs it.  My children are 3 and 4 and they would love to play with my nephew but he doesn't show much interest in them.  Perhaps he is just delayed.  I'm so confused, what do you think?

Answer
Hi May,

I definitely agree with you that there is cause for concern.  If you were writing to me about your own child I would advise you to get him evaluated right away.  Since this is your nephew, the situation is a little trickier.  From your small description, your nephew definitely is displaying characteristics of autism.  

You mention that it's your Sister In Law.  Does your husband have a good relationship with her?  When people hear bad news, they tend to hate the messenger.  People are more willing to listen to close family and I'd hate to advise you to do something which puts your relationship with your sister in law in jeopardy.  

Discuss this over with your husband.  Some people even get a school teacher to bring this up.  Whatever you do, make it gentle.  A good way is to tell her that you were reading an article about autism and it reminded you of your beautiful nephew.  Tell her it might be nothing, but ask if she would read the article.  That way, she might want to get an evaluation herself.  

You can download an article on http://www.nlconcepts.com called "How do you know if your child has autism?"  See if this rings true for your nephew.  Be there for your sister in law.  It's devastating for parents to find out that their perfect child might not be perfect at all.  She can always reach out to me here too.  Please let me know if I can be of further help to you.

Jene Aviram
http://www.nlconcepts.com