Expert: Jene Aviram - 3/6/2009

Question
I am a preschool teacher and I have a student I am not sure how to help.  Everyday when he enters class he comes in telling me the same stories over and over.  The stories are hard to understand at times due to his speech being mumbled.  He doesn't deal well with a social setting.  He is easily disturbed.  He cry very easily.(anytime he doesn't get his way or someone looks at him)  If noises get even the slightest bit loud he covers his ears and rocks back and forth.  He is able to do simple task like tracing a straight line.  But he has no attention span and can't sit still.  He will hop from seat to seat.  I have never had to deal with anyone of this nature.  And I woild like to speak with his mother but, she gets extremely offensive and denys any problems.  Please help

Answer
Hi Alison,

It's wonderful that you're such a caring teacher.  Thank you for taking the time to write. It's certainly a tricky situation if the mother is defensive.  You need her on board to help her child as well as make his experience in preschool a positive one.  

The chances are she realizes that her child doesn't behave the way others do.  Each time you broach the situation she probably fears that you will tell her that her son doesn't belong in the class.  She might even fear he will be kicked out of the school.  In a desperate need to give her son a preschool experience, the same way other kids do, it's possible she denies that anything is wrong at all.

If I were in your shoes, I would approach her in a positive manner.  Make sure that no other parents are around as this will put her in an awkward situation.  Make an appointment to speak to her before or after class if necessary.  Start on a VERY POSITIVE note.  Tell her that you love having her son in your class. Think of a couple of great things about her son, for example it's wonderful how he can't wait to tell you a story as he enters the class.  

After you've established a positive tone to the conversation, tell her that you've noticed her son has some difficulties in the classroom. Tell her that it's not unusual - kids are all different.  Tell her that you believe her son would benefit greatly from an evaluation.  Let her know that he might not qualify for services, but if he does, she'll be amazed how quickly he'll benefit from some extra help. Have another staff member such as the Preschool Director present in the conversation if you feel you might need backup.  If her child is 2 years old or less, he qualifies for Early Intervention.  If he's already three, tell her to call her local Early Intervention office.  They'll let her know who she contact for an evaluation.  

Her son is entitled by law to a free evaluation.  She will not have to pay for it and depending on what state you live in, will probably not have to pay for any services if he requires them.

From your post, it's impossible to say if this boy is on the autism spectrum.  He clearly has some sensory issues.  As you said, you've never had to deal with anyone of this nature and he needs an evaluation to get the help he requires.

Make sure the Mom doesn't feel as if you're judging her, as this will cause her to clam up.  Standing in her shoes, it's very difficult to hear that something is wrong with your child. I know it must be tough for you.  You're clearly a teacher that cares greatly about her students and aren't sure how to help this child. The mom is lucky to have you as her son's teacher.

I hope this has been of help.

Jene Aviram
http://www.nlconcepts.com