Expert: Jene Aviram - 4/9/2009

Question
my relative have a two year old child.that I have notice she never interact with us when we visit her as she used to when she was a baby.last Saturday we went to their house and every time i call her by her name never even turn her head to see me .She doesn't like to be hug for anyone.she doesn't look for her mom for cuddle. Also she doesn't do eye contact when I try to talk to her.I have three kids 10, 8.and 6 and she doesn't get excited when she sees them of course she doesn't play with then.When she was 1 1/2 she like to play with my son because he play like monster with her but not anymore.I hold her and start to talk to her and she just wanted to get off I ask her where is your nose she didn't care.My relative said that she talks to her and that she is not like that with all the people there where about 10 people in the room including grandma that lives with them on her days off uncles,aunts etc.But she didn't interact with anybody there.I don't live with them I just visit ones and a while but every time I visit i notice this things I know the importance of early intervention but I don't know if i am overacting.

Answer
Hi Maria,

I think your concerns are valid.  It's very unusual for a child not to make eye contact and not to be interested in other children.  Since you only see the child when there are a large number of people around, the mom could have a point, perhaps she is overwhelmed by the people and noise.  This would indicate some type of sensory processing problem.  If this was your child, I would tell you right away to get a full evaluation by early intervention as soon as possible.  

The situation is a lot trickier since the Mom has expressed that she is not concerned.  Nobody likes to hear that something is wrong with their child.  Even if others are just being concerned, the parents can get upset and it can adversely affect your relationship.  You have to broach it really carefully.  You mention that the Grandma lives with them.  Is she concerned about the child?  Can you talk to her about it?  There is an article I'd like you to read called "How do you know if your child has autism?"  You can find it at http://www.nlconcepts.com/autism-howdoyouknow.htm
Perhaps if the Grandma reads it and can relate to some of the things, she can show the article to the Mom and tell her it reminds her of the child.  She can ask the Mom to read it and see what she thinks.

If the mom does decide to get an evaluation, she can ask her pediatrician who to call for Early Intervention.  This evaluation and any services the child might need are usually free and covered by the state, especially when the child is under three years old.  If the pediatrician does not direct her on who to call for Early Intervention services in her state, she can always go to this website, put in her state and call some places to ask for guidance.
http://www.nichcy.org/Pages/StateSpecificInfo.aspx

It's very obvious that you care greatly about this child and want to help.  That's very kind of you.  I hope this has helped you.

Jene Aviram
http://www.nlconcepts.com