Expert: Celtica - 4/14/2009

Question
hi there,
my little sister is 10 years old,shes recently started to have the most frightening explosions of violence I've ever seen. she over powers myself and my mum with hair pulling,kicking,pinching and punching. we try our best to stop situations like this arising by keeping her calm and occupied but she keeps threatening and then hurting us.
how can i help her?

Answer
Hi,

it could be beginning puberty. Like for everybody else, this is a difficult time for an autistic person. It makes you moody, and scary things happen to your body and mind which can make you angry or frightened, both of which can lead to anger outbursts or violence against self or others.

I had severe anxiety issues and really scary obsessive thoughts and compulsive checking (a form of OCD) during puberty (my brain apparently just reacted to the changes in its chemistry due to hormonal changes by simply "going crazy" for a while). I couldn't communicate anything of this, and in a person who is more extroverted than me, I can imagine it might lead to things like anger outbursts. I just went quieter and quieter because interacting with people scared me so much at that time, but in someone else it might be the opposite.

This may or may not be the case with your sister, but it could be one explanation. Or it's just simply trying to see how far she can go in getting her will, as many adolescents do (sometimes even autistic people do that).

To help her, you could try to find out if she has some anxiety thing going on - or simply what makes her angry, if you're sure it's not anxiety (I keep thinking of anxiety because it also makes you more rigid, and any changes to your routing - so small that other people may not even be aware of them - may make you so upset that you get angry and short tempered because you feel so vulnerable and helpless).

However, that will certainly be quite difficult! Does she communicate ? Well ?

Even when asked I probably wouldn't have been able to tell anyone what was going on in my head at that time - so she might also not be able to tell you anything either, even if she's generally verbal. But look at the things she paints, or if she has any other way of expressing herself (like singing or something) - did that change ? Do you notice a recurring theme in what she paints (if she paints), did the colors she chooses change ? It might give you some hints.

I also often snap at people and get angry for nothing when I'm overwhelmed and/or tired (I'm never physically violent though).
That means you can check on the following things: Does she sleep enough, and if she does, can she breathe though her nose/does she snore ? Poor quality of sleep can make you as tired and irritable as too little sleep.

Lastly, you can check on her diet (this might help or not, and it's not for everyone. It's helped me though). Do these outburts often happen after she has eaten certain things (like milk products or cereals) ? Or when she has not eaten anything for a long time (might be low blood sugar). I have several food allergies and tend to have low blood sugar sometimes, both of which can make me extra moody and irritable.
As I said, this may not apply at all to your sister, but may be worth checking out.

Generally I'd suggest leaving her alone when you feel an anger outburst coming. Maybe take her to a room where she can't hurt herself if she feels the need to throw herself on the floor or something (or teach her how to jump on a trampoline - there are some which have a safety net around them so the person jumping can't fall out and hurt herself) to get rid of all those "nervous" (for lack of better words) energy so she won't vent it on you. What's important to understand is that *she* might be even less aware than you of the outburst that's coming, so you should probably try to learn the signs, if possible. AND, don't take it personally. It's quite unlikely she really *wants* to hurt you. It's quite certainly a rather involutary thing (if she's anything like me) - she doesn't mean to attack you, it's just a reaction she cannot control.

Hope that helps
C.