Expert: Jene Aviram - 6/18/2009

Question
my grandson who is 5 seems to behave antisocially and at the moment is awaiting assessment for autistic spectre disorder from what i have read he seems to fit the picture with some of the behaviours he displays my question to you is have you any strategies meantime that we can use to help calm him down or help him express himself.i do know that a proper assessment and diagnosis should be made however it seems to be taking for ever and his behaviour has escalated recently tantrums emotional outbursts hitting other children especially and us his teacher and his parents .i would be so grateful for any assistance at this time

Answer
Hi Margaret,

I know this must be a very emotional time.  It's very difficult waiting when you feel something is not quite right with your grandson and you're not sure how to help.

Your grandson obviously has a difficult time expressing himself.  Can you just imagine how frustrating it is if you can't get your point across?  That's probably why the end result is a tantrum.  He can't tell you what's upsetting him and probably isn't getting his needs met.  

Something that helps a lot of children is structure.  This way they feel in control.  I would try making his routine at home more structured if possible.  Easier said than done, I know.  Some suggestions are to draw a schedule and stick it on the wall.  Start with his routine before school.  Pictures that depict waking up, getting dressed, eating breakfast and leaving for school.  Direct his attention to the schedule frequently.  Praise and reward him for completing each task.  As he begins to respond, you can add more items to the schedule.  This might help him feel more secure and in control of his world as he will know what's coming next.

The time to deal with a tantrum is before it hits. Once it's started there's very little you can do except ignore it as best you can.  Any attention you give to the tantrum usually results in reinforcing the behavior.  The goal is to catch it before the outburst.  Positive rewards usually work best.  Find some motivating toys that he loves and keep these just for good behavior.  Get a timer - the one that displays the time disappearing.  This way your grandson can actually see the time pass.  If he hasn't hit anyone in his family in 30 minutes (or whatever time you decide)make sure he gets his reward for a few minutes.  Motivating toys like bubbles are perfect because once they pop they are gone.  This is better than having to take his toy away.  Some people use edibles like cookies and cereal.  Then set the timer again and let him know what great thing he can get if he has good behavior for the next 30 minutes.

In the beginning, you'll have to provide him with motivating toys very frequently.  The goal is to get him to understand that appropriate behavior gets him great things.  Once he gets the idea, you can start increasing the time between giving him motivating items.  This way, he'll already know the system, and will behave appropriately since he knows that it's worth it.

You can get some ideas from this article.  It's called "12 tips for setting up an autism class room."  Don't be put off by the title.  I think you will find a lot of good ideas to help you.  The link is http://www.nlconcepts.com/autism-class.htm

The timer that I mentioned can be found here.  You can also search for it in your area. http://www.nlconcepts.com/autism-timetimer.htm

A great book for you to read is called "No More Meltdowns".  You can find it here and I'm sure you can find it in other places too.  http://www.nlconcepts.com/autism-behavebook.htm

I wish you the best of luck with great success.

Jene Aviram
http://www.nlconcepts.com